Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Moving on.

Some tips to move on from your crush/whoever :
  1. Get distracted
    This doesn't mean that you have to fall to another random guy. You could just be focus on other things else. Focus on your studies, planning your goals, or simply just organise your stuff or your wardrobes. There's a lot of thing to do in this life!
  2. Get a 'new' you.
    Look at yourself in the mirror. See if there's anything that you could do to improve yourself, either physically or mentally. Check if your outfit is too old to fit the style or your old boring hairstyle is still there. It's time to get a change. Be prettier and be more confident! It's not that you are not appreciating yourself, but you need to put effort to be pretty right? Even diamonds have to be burnished first! 
  3. Enjoy life
    There's so much happy things that life could offer, and sometimes we just don't see it. Trying new things, enjoying good food, hanging out with friends, gathering with families and the list goes on! Life is not only about that person, start focusing more on yourself and love yourself. When you believe good things to happen, they would actually happen for you. Build your positive aura to surround you and just wait, something good would just come for you. ^^
Bytheway, Note to self. 

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

back on track.

Writing this post back at my dorm room at HK!

I arrived HK like 3 days ago and yeah, i think i could handle it better than previous years. Haha. Still, i cried a lot at the airport, but this time i managed it better. No more cries once i passed the immigration checkpoint.

Been attending training for the past few days and tomorrow i would be leading some freshie for the orientation camp! It is nice to come back but there's a lot of things to do! I just finished unpacking my stuff and it took me two days. In addition, I have been going to bank, registration offices, or even simcard shops in order to activate all my accounts here.

It's going to be my final year and yes, I'll keep striving! Cheers for the final year!

Thursday, August 6, 2015

feeling loved.

Today marks my last day of the internship. I don't know what to feel. I feel relieved cause I completed my internship commitment quite satisfactorily and I feel sad cause this means that... I am going back soon..

During these past 6 months, it has been wonderful. I met nice and kind people at here. I celebrated my birthday together after 5 years, and it was a good one. I was able to go back home quite often and I wasn't sad to come back cause I know I have a sister here. As an exchange student, I did not focus at all with my studies and all I knew was having fun. I was hanging out with friends, exploring Singapore, and catching up with old friends. After completed my exchange program, I started my internship and I was still having fun. I worked during weekdays and on weekends, I chilled out with my friends and family.

All the good times passed so fast that probably by next week, I am going back to hometown and after a week, I would be back at HK.

There was time during my stay that I want to go back since I miss the people and food there. But now when I was about to leave the merlion city in a week, I don't know if I still feel the same.....
Anyway, today is the last day and I have been receiving so much loves from the people here. Another colleague even gave me a nice accessory and I even didn't prepare anything for them T.T

Oh and some close friends also started to give me farewell gifts T.T

I'm so touched I'mma cryyyyyy.

For those who have made my stay here so wonderful, thank you :) a deep thank you from the bottom of my heart :)

Friday, July 10, 2015

Tiny

Just logged in to my linkedin account and well, looking at some of my peers profile. Some of them really have cool profiles, I mean, it is clearly written there that they got high GPA, scholarship/outstanding awards, wonderful work experience in some awesome companies. Out of sudden, I feel so small. so tiny when I saw my profile with them.
 
I kinda feel like I really haven't done much during the last three years to improve my grade or to motivate myself to be a more competent person. I still remember that during Semester 3, I found out that I am the only international student and I felt so lonely that I no longer concentrate on my studies. I know I am such a chicken but during my first year I was with my friends (unfortunately, they are all international students) at all time. I felt so shocked to be an alien in a class full of 150 students. I began to hate how they speak Cantonese at all time and I got not friends, honestly. My grades turned out to be so bad and It felt so uncontrolled.
 
Looking back, that was such a freaking silly act of me. It was simple actually, it was just that I haven't adapted and I shouldn't neglect my studies. Now if you might wonder, I have a group of local friends to hang out back in class. But, it was so hard to recover all my grades that I really need to work harder and harder. I totally regret it. How I could abandon my studies and get so deep with my own "depression". It was actually nothing, I feel like I am exaggerating my emotion too much last time .-.-

It was totally silly and I learnt a lot from that. After Semester 3, I work hard to recover my grades and well, thankfully, it is stable now. but I don't think it's enough yet, .... comparing to my other friends. I regret so much that I only have one year to improve but well, what can I do?

Now I should really concentrate on my last year, and land a job successfully next year! :)

Thursday, June 25, 2015

chilling

Chilling means...... you just have to come to work doing nothing and still get paid! and uh oh uhm, just in my dreams.

Well, the fact that I could still write a post while working means that I am not busy but I still have something to do in work okay. It's just sometimes I feel tired of reading too much articles that it somehow urges me to update more frequent on my blog.

It's Thursday and it's one day closer to weekend!!! Now that I am working, although I am still an intern, I value and realise the true meaning of weekends! haha. Weekends mean I could getting up late like really late ( I can't get up this late (read: 2pm/3pm) when I am back home haha) and I could spend a day doing nothing but browsing at my laptop and movie marathon or in my case: k-dramas marathon!

I guess my elder sis could not stand me slacking around and well, I also decided to do something more useful. I actually hate working out but due to all those unutilized fats, I need to do something to myself before reaching my expiration date and still alone haha. I tried working out with the help from my e-personal trainer from youtube and it's so tiring! I tried Joanna Soh as her work out exercises are easy to follow. But it doesn't last long anyway, the next morning I can't really move my thigh, legs, arms as I have been absent for a long period. (all I did when I was back in school was cardio)

So she suggested me to do skipping and I agreed on it as I saw there's a Disney skipping rope in Robinsons. hehehe



It looks exactly like that and that has been my routine now every night starting yesterday. skipping all the way!

Monday, June 22, 2015

Growing Up.

10 days ago I turned twenty. It was a nice, intimate birthday when I celebrated with my elder sister and my closer friends here. It was quite different as it has been five years since the last birthday that I celebrated with my elder sister (she went abroad to study and two years later, I followed her path but we are in different countries). So everything seemed so nice as I could finally celebrate my birthday with family member after two years, although my parents and the other members are in hometown.
 
Nevertheless, I am forever grateful about what god has planned and given on me, and I would strive to be a better person. :) As I was stepping on the #twenties club, it freaks me a little. It's not about the age or maturity but it's more like I have to be responsible on my own. Well, it's not like I have been relying on others these time but financially, I have been getting numerous support from my family. and with just one more year left till my bachelor degree, I feel like "oh shoot, this life thing is getting real". The thought of having to find a job when I don't really know what I might do later ( well, I kind of have that vision on what job that I would do but would I really like it? can I come to office without having any burden? will I do well in my workplace? would my colleague like me? would they backstab me? would my performance be disappointing ?). So I have been thinking about that sometimes these days (probably because I am interning right now) and it truly scares me. The world outside truly scares me that now I wish I was younger! (okay its getting absurd).
 
When I thought about my future workplace, all I see is countless sleeps, working my ass off in the office, OT everyday, no more lazy weekends, smaller social circle and no more freedom (14 days off in one year? no more summer holiday/ winter break oemji ). The thoughts that I am going to OT everyday and I would be too tired to hang out during weekends, and that I would stuck in my work life without any friends/partner/families to rely on just haunt me. Many said that we could balance our work life and social life but how about when we were really busy with our job that we even don't have time to hang out? using those weekends staying at the office? or even worst, would I hate my job and work that hard just because I need to survive? or when I finally have my career I lost my social life and without knowing, everyone has build his own families? argh! I need to scroll my Instagram and read those motivational quotes.
 
I know there are a lot of wonderful things that I could do after graduating but I don't know, it seems I am not mentally ready for the outside world.  I know I would always be not ready, the same thing when I studied abroad and  it would come along with the process.
 
I just hope that during the process, I am more ready than when I was 17, and that I would not make any fatal decision and be a more competent and mature person. Bless me, Buddha!

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

free fall.

I don't know if this is because of the internship things or whatever. Sometimes, I just feel sad for no reason. and oh well, lately I have become a loner. I work during weekdays and on weekends, I just feel tired, not really wanting to meet people unless it's really urgent and yup, spend most of the weekends at home.

Actually not most weekends, it's more like I still go hang out but it's just I don't go all day. I don't know why I am so moody these days.

and to get my mood back, I decided to go to Universal Studio to hop on those thrilling rides, experiencing those euphoria to replace my illogical moody feelings.

Friday, June 5, 2015

where?

Life doesn't always give what you want, but if you have faith and work hard, sometimes it would give you enough.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

oh haiiii

the urge to blog is quite strong these few days. Probably because I am rereading my old posts these days. and realizing how old I am now. T.T

3 weeks more and it would be the end of my so called teenage years. I would be coming to the twenties club soon and oh lord, I am old now. alright, that's too much, but I am one step closer to be an old hag. okay, that's way too much.

anyway, it just felt so weird that last time when I went back to hometown, a lot of random people are addressing me with "miss" instead of "kid". and the feelings just get so much real when I am in Indo. There is so much difference being called "dek" rather than "mbak / kak". I kind of got so shocked being addressed like that (alright I know I am waaaaay too much) that I even told my mom that those waiters were being impolite. and of course; to my so not-surprise, my mom wittily replied me, "Then what should they call you? a princess?". That moment, I know I'm slowly aging (hehehe hormones people its hormones)

I want to be forever 15. or 17. but wait, I need to be 21 to be legal right? I guess that's why they came up with the brand forever21 but not forever18/forever20

uhm, this post is totally random. hehe. 45 minutes to the end of office hours. I think I am too happy to write a decent post. haha.

Monday, May 25, 2015

sunkissed.

two and half hours more to go and I could go home!

yup, still in the office and I am so stuck writing the sales summary report that I decide to post more on my blog. I did the same thing too last year while I was interning. and I kinda miss the people that I met last summer. They are so annoying yet they (although I don't really want to say this) made my internship more colourful.

It has been nearly five months of my stay at Singapore and strangely I could feel that my attachment towards this country has been slowly decreasing. I don't know if I miss HK way too much or I am already bored of this country but I guess it's a good thing for a baby like me. I don't want to cry hysterically every time I go back to HK and hopefully in my third year, I could hold all tears and be a stronger kid.

and you know what, I think I have completely moved on. This month might just be another usual month but I realised that it's that time. The time where I could completely assure myself that I no longer depend on that person, and without him that I am doing fine. Although there wasn't any romantic relationship between us, I couldn't deny that during our friendship that I actually expected more. and I think because of that, I could easily move on and heal completely. but well, I am sad of losing a good friend.

To a wonderful year ahead, cheers!, and
To the one with endless tricks to prank and bully me, i miss you! :) (only during internship period lol)

Monday, May 18, 2015

ah yeah

So I decided to extend my stay at Singapore. I got an internship offer here and actually when I first received the news, I got this kind of mixed feelings. I mean, it's really obvious that I really like Singapore and there's no reason for me to not rejecting this opportunity. But, the main thing is the scope of the job that is totally irrelevant to the field I'm studying. It's more towards business, and as much as I love being an office-worker (you know, for someone who is studying civil that should be mentally prepared for all the heats in sites, I really wish to work in office in the future), it just seems unfit to me. oh and moreover, at first I thought that I wouldn't mind doing a business internship program as I always feel that engineering is not really my thing. It's more like I like studying engineering but in someway, I always felt that I will end up in business industry. So when I got this opportunity, I really don't know what to do.

But in the end I decided to take it cause actually my plan A is to go back to HK, and to do an internship at a civil consulting company. I previously worked in a supplier company and this time, I thought I could secure an internship in a consulting company. Well, until now I haven't received any news from them and being me, I couldn't take any risk that I decided to take this offer.

I don't really regret taking this offer actually, it has only been my second week as an intern and I actually learn a lot and adapt myself to a different working environment. My colleagues are all nice and my supervisor, although we don't really interact much, he's good mentor. So I am actually happy about this opportunity but it's just there's something in myself that tells me that how incompetent I am that I couldn't land an internship in HK. and what hurts me more is like I could get an offer last year. It's kind of funny actually, that when I was in year 2, lacking experiences, and yet there's still a good company that offered me an internship program. Now that I am a penultimate year student, I received no news from those companies that I have been applying.

It's just I am so sad, and I feel so helpless and couldn't help to compare myself with others when I heard some of my friends got internship offer. I know maybe I couldn't handle this peer pressure thing, but I just couldn't excuse myself.

I know this sounds that I am way too exaggerating over something that is not a problem but I am just disappointed with myself. I am just going to express all my thoughts here and I believe tomorrow is going to be a better day and I would work harder!

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

struggle

If i hadn't had come here, would life be much different then.
and i hate the fact that i could only do nothing.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

miracles

been looking for internship these last months and haven't managed to secure one yet.....

and my exchange is nearly coming to the end. this week is going to be the last week of the semester and finals are coming in two weeks' time. honestly, i feel like this is the fastest semester haha. i love being here, being close with family, being able to blend well and adapt to the culture externally and internally. it's so much different from hong kong, i feel so much belonged here.

i know i should not be like this but i just feel more insecure and even sadder every time i hear my peers obtained one.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

looking back

i miss the days where i could casually text you and we could talk hours about our life.
i miss the days where i could easily find you and ask for your assurance whenever i'm down.
and at some point we just dont

haha, no this person aint my boyfriend. he was someone whom i felt comfortable to talk with and somebody who i knew wouldn't judge and keep supporting me. 

since we have been knowing each other for so long so my brain tells me that its fine to miss you since you has become part of my routine. the once a week long chat that we always did just to update each other. and we just become apart unknowingly, cause people said that man and woman could never be friends. i guess its true then, cause its either we fall in love or one of us just walk away. Maybe we are in the latter part. Cause there is no love between us although sometimes i wonder what would happen to us if there is, no matter how weak it is. but then i know i shouldn't look back cause we wont be like that.. ever again. 

right till now, i could confidently said im okay, cause i know that im not in love with you. i might have fallen for you, but it was not that hard. so i think its bearable when we were growing apart. 
  
i believe that as i could get used with your chats, your care, and you i also could get used without them. and i know i just need time. and this should be easy since i just lost a good friend. 

this has been going for months, and i am healing. slowly and steadily. 

Saturday, January 24, 2015

lost star

Hello peeps! and I'm updating from sunny Singapore!

Yup, my exchange terms has officially started like 2 weeks ago. So here i am at NUS. So far, it has been wonderful although i am not really get used to the hot weather here...... i know this is too much as i was born and raised up in Indonesia hahahah but still, its really dry here. 

I am still getting lost in the huge campus while trying to figure out where my classes are but i am fully enjoying myself here. I went back to my hometown on 23rd last month for a roughly 2 weeks break and yeah i miss home so much. It was a short getaway but since i am going back home again during chinese new year, i feel much more relieved and alive again! I like living here, i feel like i could blend in much better than in hong kong and most importantly, i got my sister here. i feel belonged here..... and thoughts of going back to hong kong after 5 more months just.... scare me. 

anyway, i know everytime i go back home, i wont ever be ready to go back to either hkg or any other countries.

it has been one month since i knew it and i didnt think that it would be this hard to get over you.