Saturday, December 31, 2011


It was someday during school break in 2008, after i finished reading A Very Yuppy Wedding, i undoubtedly picked Divortiare without reading the synopsis as i recognized it got the same author with AVYW. At the first three pages, i just knew that this story's plot is about a woman who have just had a divorce. I was somehow astonished , as the author had just finished writing a book with the wedding theme, she bravely wrote a story about a divorce, which is somehow taboo in here.

It was my first time reading a novel about divorce, so i continued to read till the end. I was curious, and wondering if she could make me fall in love just like AVYW. So the plot goes like this: Alexandra, 29 years old, who has been a widow for 2 years, still got a permanent tattoo right on her left breast, written beno, her ex-husband name. Their reason to separate was simple, Both of them were chasing their career until they realized that they have been prioritized their work too much and after considering for a year, it was Alex who asked a divorce. i thought maybe she couldn't live with someone who doesn't care about her anymore, someone who prioritized his patients more than staying at home celebrating their wedding anniversary.

Then Alex's friend, Wina, as her best bestie encouraged her to move on by introducing her to Denny, their friend when they were pursuing their study at Australia. So after dates, Alex and Denny were officially dating. If i could add, I don't think Alex was accepting Denny wholeheartedly as she kept recalling her memories with Beno, although She kept saying She hate Beno. Alex was accepting because Denny is exactly the opposite of Beno, and she know he couldn't hurt him as much as Beno did.

So after dates there goes the proposal, and i hate that moment. From the very beginning, I have expected that Alex will eventually with Beno as i know she still loves him. We couldn't hurt by the one we love right? Alex once said that. So i started to flip from one page to another,carrying the expectations that She will say no to Denny and return to Beno.

But no, btw, Alex has her tattoo removed, this disappointed me too as i thought the only reason she kept the tattoo because she loves beno, and i am hoping that she.(again)'s.
but then i realized if i were her, maybe i would do the same too, i wouldn't expect too much as i have failed already. nobody falls in the same hole twice right? :)

But again, it's not Ika natassa if she is going to make the fairy tale ending.. and fairy tale stories..
Alex accepted her proposal and she was going to move to New York with Denny. WHAT????
but again, i should enjoy and wait till the ride ends. The ending is somehow...........................................................................................................................


Although the ending could make me tearing the book..........., i love Divortiare much more than AVYW, and Antologi rasa. i haven't read ika natassa's Underground, but i am madly, desperately fall in love with Alex and Beno, uhm, maybe only the hotshot, geekish, nerdish, doctor Beno Wicaksono. :)

so on April 2011, i found @ikanatassa is on twitter so i followed her, and from her tweets i know that there is an account named @alexandrarheaw (it is made by ika btw) . I viewed her profile and am very happy to see that her name is: Alex Rhea Wicaksono. :)) NOT Alex Rhea Ibrahim. thankgod thankgod. hahahaha

anyway, i just realized that why i am so into Divortiare, and why i feel that i am involved way too much in the story, it's like i was there to witness them. maybe that's the magic of her writings , right? :)


Monday, December 5, 2011

Christmas is coming.

Hey i miss blogger! i noticed that i haven't really posted anything lately so i decided to type a short post. it's now December and hello, Christmas! so am going to face exam in less than two weeks and yes, i am not ready. i just had my HSK (the mandarin proficiency test) yesterday and i feel so much relieved. it's like i got one more checklist for my to-do list for this year. 2011 is going to end in less than 20 days and it feels like yesterday. btw, i am not going anywhere to spend this year holiday as i have some extra lessons during holiday. life oh life.....

sometimes, at the very lowest point in my life, i often feel disappointment towards myself. it's like i have never accomplished anything to what i endeavor. nothing turns into blossom. it's like i am doing something for nothing. i hate myself. i blame myself.

p.s. i hope i wouldn't give up on you.

Sunday, November 27, 2011


somehow it looks very easy for them to achieve. im such a fool.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

out of blue, feeling blue.

i hope i would never regret to every single decision that i have made throughout this 2 years of my juvenile year.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


can't believe time flies so so so so extremely FAST!!!!! in a blink of eye, i am now officially a third year senior high school student. Life has been so hard recently but thank god i could cope with it. I believe that god is, and will always give the best to me and all i have to do is strive harder and harder. never stop trying, i said that to myself everyday. although i made some fatal mistakes, but isn't experience is our best teacher? so i will just take the lesson from it and continue my perseverance. I have done my best and now i need luck , heaps of luck to get admitted to the university that i have chosen. i will keep my fingercrossed no matter what happened, yeah! positive positive!

and oh yeah, it's less than a week till teacher's day which my sister is going to turn 19 this year. i am thinking about what surprises i should give her as this year her Chinese birthday shares the same date too. okay should look for some surprises via net, bye!

Monday, November 14, 2011

that moment.

It's funny to realise when you couldn't choose any word to say but pictures could. pictures paint a thousand words, don't they?

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The so called life.

Hi!. i just noticed that i have abandoned this blog for ages. So i decided to post something to my e-diary, the only thing that records my life during the last 2 years.

I don't know how much failures i have made. The same failures that i keep repeating, being the loser i am. I can't even recall when i last could win over something or at least, offered myself a reward. It seems like i have out of the track for a long time, and i didn't make an effort to keep back on my track. I wonder where i was for this past year, what have i achieved actually? and it strikes me directly on a very specific answer: nothing. I don't get good grades, yeah, see my last report card. I don't actually do something, i haven't had the feeling when i was really happy, like i was on top of the world, truly achieved something that i wouldn't disappoint people who have supported from the first place. and now i feel numb. i am broken in despair, or grief to be exact. the dreams that i have collected will be torn into pieces and there's no way i could fix it.

yes, bump my head now. i am more like walking-dead-man.
i can't do nothing but crying in despair. the failures that i have had enough during the last 4 years and now, there are failures waiting for me....... a future that is ruined by myself.....

Thursday, October 6, 2011


I can't count how many i have typed this, but


yeah, i can't even figure out why i am so busy everyday, rushing everyday, and what am i doing?My life couldn't be plain than anyone else's , Wake up, Go to school, Attend tuition, Go home, Take a rest, Sleep. and on weekends? I am too tired to do anything that i just laid back. Wait, is this called life? and at a time like this, there's every single cell in my body that would urge me to shout : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa . but alright, i cant find a place, so i will just sit and type here. nobody notices right?

sometimes, or should i say often? i wish my life would be like those films'. Miracle can come to help me when i am in a crucial test, like Elle in Legally blonde, when she finally passed her sat test and went to Harvard Law school. I wish i can hangout and buy everything i want just by swiping the card, the euphoria feeling when i could finally buy that lucky shawl like Rebecca Bloomwood In Confession of a shopaholic. or When there's a perfect man who helps me find a job and the one who see me not because what i have but who i am, and the man who just can make my dreams come true just see how lucky Nora in From Prada to Nada. or maybe i could just marry a completely flawless man that can turn me into a vampire and we will live happily ever after, no not Edward Cullen, it's Shrek isn't it? LOL. but not being chased and stalked with an anonymous who knows all your secrets like in Pretty little liars, but i would like to take the NZT pill in the Limitless movie, or then i would like to be an undiscovered Princess like Princess Diaries, or marrying the prince who studies in my country, See how Beige does it in The Prince and Me.

And yes, i have been daydreaming too much! goodnight folks! and i watched too much.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

October Feast

doesn't every girl's wish is the same? (;

I write so that i can remember that once in my life time, this happened.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Happiness knocks in.

Hi!. This blog is gonna be a picture diary i see. no more words to type, no more words to tell, sometimes picture can show unlimited feelings that we can't describe. If people say writing is easier than confessing our feelings, then i would choose showing pictures. Because sometimes, words aren't enough, and i can't express my feelings well. they are mixed, like today. . . .

This heart isn't mine, i am not the owner, you are.

Friday, September 23, 2011


Everytime i wake up, i hope it will be a better day.
I am tired, i need a break.
I am not ready to face the real life out there.
I wish I were still a baby girl.
I don't wanna grow up.

Cookie Monsters.

There are specifically 3 things in my mind now:

1. I need sleep, a very long sleep
2. I need holiday or at least give me 2 sundays for each week.
3. I want a vacation.

Make it happen anyone? x)

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

30 minutes.

Here's my review to your antologi rasa :

one word: witty. I couldn't decide whether it's worth-reading or not as it would be too subjective. But one thing i realized when i was reading your book, is i get addicted. Your book is like drugs, cigarettes, or even magnet that i couldn't take my eyes off of the book. Words have powers, yeah? (: what i love the most is plot, the theme may be a simply love story, but the plot is unpredictable. As always, your novels are always too real and somehow it can be so hard to remind myself that they are fiction. the way you marked the ending is distinctive, shocking , and somehow speechless-ing. yes, as it would be too cliche if you just let K finally realized who is the best and with H. Their love story is still a long way to go, isn't it? i wonder how come you could write H's part so well, as playing four roles in a row isn't easy. In contrast, I would like to comment some contents which i get bored as they are too detailed, but still congratulations on your fourth book (:


Sunday, August 28, 2011

Holiday is coming dam dam dam

Helloooo everyoneee hehehe :D i just noticed that i haven't posted anything since that July post. I have just finished school examination and try out this morning. Both of them didn't go well. *sigh*
i am in semester 4 yet my grades are just so so. i don't know how many times i have said this but : yes. i am worried sick. 7 more months left till graduation, and i just need to choose my major distinctively, and which university i will go to. everything is just messy and so blur. i feel like i am in the gray shaded area, trapped between black and white.

Bytheway, i have received my IELTS test result, and it turned out to be so good. okay, i mean good enough for me, i was so lack of preparation and i was thinking just a pass will be okay, but i got more than enough hehehe, and thank god for my writing section too. (: i am so incredibly exhilarated. i don't need any foundie if mom allows me to enter MonashU, but i guess mom wouldn't let me go, huh?

guess 7 is my lucky number. (:

But again, i am going to have a one-week full holiday as Indonesia is celebrating The Idul Fitri. I may gonna hit somewhere out of town since my older sister has returned. so, enjoy your holiday folks! (:

Saturday, July 30, 2011

gust of wind

I has just finished my IELTS test, I repeat once again , IELTS test, a real test, not a try-out. it all happened too fast, mom enrolled me to the test and then i had my fingerprints taken, along with my photos and DUP! i finished the test by this afternoon. Listening was just okay, since i didn't really hear well in the section4, reading was fine, but that didn't mean okay, writing was..... it's like i got a very limited time , and i didn't check it, blame the timeeee! :( and speaking ,i think i was mumbling and i was way too afraid about my grammatical errors while speaking. God, bless me, i have really put my best effort and now i only want to achieve the best one that is given to me. i don't want to disappoint my parents who had afford the entrance test fee. it's way too expensive god, pleasee Blesss meee :(

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Back to reality.

So, Hello people! it has been so loooonnggg since the last post. hehehe. i have just come back from my ten-days trip to Penang and Hadyai and i have been so busy since then. Back to school, tuition, re-arrange schedule, and back to reality.

anyway, i am tagged by 3 people, Desilia, Jennifer, and Florenshia to post about ten facts about me so here we go!

1. i can't never live without music, i always bring my earphones with me and whenever i feel like nobody is talking to me, i listen music.
2. i love daydreaming, daydreaming is sometimes relaxing hehhee. traffic nowadays is so bad and i always love daydreaming at car. ;)
3. i always drink cold water, including swallowing some pills. it seemed like i can never drink water without ice inside.
4. i can't cook. the only thing i can cook is popmie. don't laugh
5.first impression always means so much to me. often, i judge people just by their appearance and how they socialize with others.
6. i often wonder how my life would be if i were born in the 15 or 16 century, where everyone were still conventional, where one's status was everyone's concern.
7. i can't never get enough of fiction stories, and novels. i always love reading romance stories and maybe marriage stories
8. i am a thinker. i think too much, and i often blame myself. and my face directly shows what i am thinking about.
9. i have never really found what i really like.
10. i always keep pictures, notes, and everything just to assure myself that memories last forever. that there was once, something beautiful happened. :)

anyhonw, i am now wearing braces. yeah, my friends said it was quite surprising, but no. i have planned it during holiday and now i can't eat. well, a very good idea to lose some kilograms in months. -_-

Thursday, June 23, 2011

It happened.

There was one time, and it happened. i had never expected it until that day.
It's almost 12 and I'm up. i can barely sleep lately. i think i am suffering insomniac-all-night-during-holiday. : (. and the very worst part is i still get up at 8 sometimes. I am completely exhausted. I feel so not fit. Now i am reading Red River Manga, and the plot is interesting. It tells us about the kingdom in the Middle East and i have always adored prince and princess stories. :) but now i am stuck, Speedy is so slow! The internet connection is oh so..... oh well. My curiosity is so strong that i will not sleep after i finish the story, uhm maybe not the story but at least one more chapter please? :D but i can't do anything if the connection is so slow, i feel like i have to wait for ages just to read one page. *okay that was a lil bit exaggerating* i have no idea how many times i have pressed the refresh button and it still can't work. i feel so frustrated now.
i am now sending my prayers for whoever that could make my internet connection runs well!!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Tell me that this ain't true.

Tell me that this ain't true. Tell me that those ain't real. i don't wanna give up that easily.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

don't wake me up.

Hi. It has been a week since the last post and i haven't updated about that day. err, i promise i will post about it later, not now, because I'm still waiting ... i feel that there is one missing puzzle piece, so i will just try to solve it and tell you about the whole story later. :) so how's your holiday, people? mine is good, pretty good, i spend my holiday going to tuition, and hang out with my friends. :) life's pretty. so i am leaving for Penang next Saturday, will be spend 10 days going there and visit Thailand. :) and my sister is joining too, and that makes me incredibly happy. :D i haven't met her since Chinese New Year on February. :) all i need is a break, out from this town for a little while, and have fun all the way!

and i found these pictures by googling around. i am so bored so i google pictures. like always.

tell me where can i buy these? :(

and i have learned that some things -no matter how much we want it and how much effort we have put in order to obtain it- aren't meant for us. even when you think it's the best for you, and that's the best thing that suites you the most, sometimes it simply does not for us. and we got to sacrifice something, to know that maybe we could deserve something is better, but are the sacrifices worthy enough? and we do often make mistake in judging people, well we can't never stop judging people right? thinking about who may be the best to accompany us, but sometimes we got all things wronged, and there's no point to turn back. because you have no one , back when you are alone. no directions. People often said "let go", "leave the past behind", "move on" and i started to wonder, is it that easy to move on after some cruel , hurtful past that has harmed you into pieces? even if we could move on, doesn't the past always stick permanently in us? it's not a tattoo that can be removed, and it hurts more than a tattoo. the hurt feeling that will always be planted in ourselves, the scar that we try to close it deeply. and someday, we are going to open it , and when feeling comes out to surface, i was wrapped in fear and worry.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

a moment to remember

Officially 16. and today was magical <3. will post it later. <3.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

a day

11 june. my last day of being fifteen. it left 12 more hours to go to the day. and i am rewinding now. last year, 12 june, was a day that i won't forget in my life. that day was one of the best day i have ever gotten, the day when i could feel all the joy and i could feel nothing but joy and happiness that surrounded me that day. that beautiful day was saturday, and i got surprises from my bestfriend, and i didn't really expect it since they didn't show any signs. well of course, it won't be named surprise if that person knows right? so i didn't realise it and i didn't hope much till my bestfriends came, holding a strawberry cake, hahaha. well they really know my favourites. :) and do you know what i wish in the make-a-wish part? well, i wished i could be with them, always be with them like forever, hoped that this friendship will last. and for the perfect evening? i went out with some of my girfriends , watched a movie, The Karate Kid to be exact, and i had my dinner with my family. and last, one of my friends lied to me saying that they would have a conference and asked me to wait, but the fact is, she called me in the midnight just to be the very last person to say 'happy birthday' to me. and i was touched. i felt my day was marked very flawless, all i could feel was joy and happiness from the ones that i love. and yah, i got a box of chocolate hahhaa. trufflina i think, guylian's one. haha. this one was the most unexpected one. hahhaa i was so blissfully happy with all the surprises, either the strawberry cake or the chocolate hehehe. but i know too in one year, everything can change. and after few week passed, i threw a party, just to invite some of my close friends, to share the joy. <3. i just love being with them. :) i feel so blessed having them around :)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


it's like i have endured a very long 3 days without the internet connection. yes, my internet connection is suddenly gone and it's so frustrating. i have never experienced this kind of situation before, i mean my internet connection has always been good, but suddenly...... gone. -_-'
and i feel like oh! Finally! so how's your holiday people? mine is not that good but not that bad, the worst part is i still have to go to that endlessly tuition, and it seemed like i need to get prepared as it left only one year to go to university life.

being indecisive is such a big disadvantage towards oneself. i have never take this word seriously until i realize that i have that in a part of me.

forgive and forget? i don't think i could do this easily and wholeheartedly. people are selfish, aren't they?

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Brown Bears.

I hate to say this but......... I am bored! i know this is holiday and it's just the third day and i feel so bored, i got nothing to do except going to tuition and well, you can't hang out everyday right? i can't just that easily waste all my money and ask my parents whenever i am broke. so i just spend my whole day watching movies, movies-marathon if i could say, reading novels, browsing via internet and sleep. i know this is should be the one that i have always yearned for, but when it came to something that you want, you get unsatisfied, people always demand more and more, don't they?

anyway, i'm so into marriage stories recently, i don't know if it because one user @alexandrarheaw on twitter owned by @ikanatassa or the william kate movie that i have just seen or the marriage novel that i have just finished. i just love to see weddings, and wondering about mine in the future.

enjoy your holiday chumps!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Yellow Peach

Hola! How are you, readers? :D i'm freaking happy today, since holiday has started! YES! Holiday starts on yesterday and we have to enjoy this freedom after a full one week exams!
So just now i went to sun plaza, the most preferable place in Medan with my girls <3. we watched Limitless, a very cool and attentive movie but i can't figure the ending, the ending is so so confusing, it was like attracting us to solve the missing pieces, i am quite disappointed with the ending as i thought there were still mystery that left unknown. although i think those pieces were finally solved by my girls' analysis. :D it was typical day when we all decided to meet up at one place, watched movie, and sat at one cafe just to talk. isn't this what we called the-things-girls-always-do-and-never-get-bored? :D

i always hope this togetherness will last, no matter wherever fate might take us to settle in different places when we grow up. :)

it's June already my dear bloggie, time never waits for us yeah? it always moves ahead, without waiting for us, and there goes this month. you know in twitter, whenever one month is going to end, there will be a trending topic about your wish for the next month, and as this is for june, i make my wish.

@jennessiachance: #junewish because i know it might not happen again with our condition like this, please give me a miracle. let it happen again cause it's so sweet that i want like again and again. Please let my plane goes well, i don't have any idea why this plan would ever cross in my mind, but don't they say "when you have a will, give it your best, make it happen?" i know this thing may be simple, but i really wish it can go well.

Monday, May 23, 2011


So i guess it's the end for us now. all my waiting seemed so useless, and effortless, i dreamed too high , and i fell over and over again. my expectations are way too high, and i didn't even notice a change that came. i was attacked by once. being teared in two pieces. and i have never thought that it will be this hurts. i can't feel a thing. nothing is right. i am in pain.

maybe you will never know how strong this feeling might be. maybe you'll never realize though. i know i am the stupidest person existing in this earth.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

You and Me.

i don't know what to type and what to tell you. Everything seemed so complicated.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Part of me.

Hi. Life's pathetic nowadays. I am going to have exams approximately in 9 days more and again i feel so unprepared for everything. This time is our finale exam and i am now in Semester 3, which according to teachers starting from Semester 3 until the end, they are the most important terms during our school time. I know I shouldn't procrastinate anymore and start revising, but the temptation to blog is just too huge to be ignored. and that will only mean it's exactly one year left till the day i graduate. Everything is just too fast. I could see how my seniors feel so bad about their graduation, the moment that they become freshmen, no more high school year, and farewells. but still i can't wait the moment till i was settled to somewhere else, living all by myself, exploring the new place, continuing my further studies, receiving my bachelor degree, falling in love and maybe got married.

p.s. and i think i miss you more day by day. maybe we don't have that fate, maybe we won't have an happy ending, but still i am here hoping.

Topaz Eyes.

Ah i guessed my blog sometimes is so plain oh maybe it's really pain from the first time? i realized that there's no photos in my blog, it's all way too simple to be true. and I haven't updated since last time. I have been feeling so empty recently. I always feel that i am being covered by inanity and i am like suffering long-term depression. It seemed like something always haunted me, and Problems keep coming up. I can't just let go everything. There should be a time when all my angers come into once and they are going to explode without any exact time.

I know i shouldn't be this stubborn but please, everyone has gotten his selfishness. and i am fighting for my own sake, standing alone, all by myself.

I can't let go.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


Maybe we weren't meant to be together.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


Bonjour ! Alright i know it's night already but i just want to break the ice between ...... HAHAHA! forget it, i am mumbling. So how's day people? I am seriously tired after a full day of tuition and now i am sitting here to edit my project, which is due to Tomorrow. I don't know if i keep complaining about my school life, but it's so tiriingggggg. feel like my bones are going to break into two or four pieces, way too tired!! and of course, problems seemed to be inevitable, they say problems make you mature, but i thought they are making me older? since i am so worried about everything and lack of sleep, my face seemed to be so not normal, small wrinkles? my tiring face, that's truly showing I'm getting older!

ignore this post. Bye

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Walls have ears.

Hi, readers. It's May already, don't you think time flies too fast? In just a blink of eye, it's May, followed by June and there goes another months. That means I'm turning sixteen soon, well that's not my main point, I mean something new will begin. School life has just begun, no more holidays, exams are waiting. Hello, my dear pathetic schedule.

I wonder how easy it is to turn from the ones who cause everything to the ones who pretend like everything didn't ever happen. I'm not being mellow or sarcastic but that's what I'm trying to express. I don't have any intention to drag this matter to become longer or even making it worse, but all i feel is the unfairness. I can't just let go.

anyway, last night i slept earlier. I could say last night was the earliest time that i slept. HAHA! I slept at 8 pm ! LOL I don't know why , but maybe it was because i was so tired, and i just slept like that, and today i woke up the earliest time ( of my own will ) at 7.30 am! HAHAHAHAHA

I spotted this on Herdiyenti 's blog. It's actually me and her in the picture (of course), it was taken a week ago, when we went to Karen's treat.


Thursday, April 28, 2011

Dropping by.

Hi. Just doing the blog walking, and I just came here after visiting Karen's . lol. She has finally decided to re-blog again, and that's good, because her blog is one of my favorites, i don't know if she will read this post, but i just hope she won't laugh or smile at herself when i am writing this post. :p

So holiday has officially ended, and today is April 28, 2011 which means it's already one year since the farewell trip. I have never known that I will miss My junior year this much, the BBQ party that we did at this time which contained the totally-not-fresh-spices. hahaa. all of us ate it a lot , and in the next morning we went to toilet like five times a day, and suffering diarrhoea. Ah, i miss those times a lot, The instant noodles that we used to cook every morning as breakfast, playing all those thrilling and jarring games at the Mickie's Funland. And the night when we played cards, taking hundreds of photos as we know sometimes we are going to miss every single second that we spent there. and that's just so right. :') i miss every single thing that has happened in the farewell trip. The togetherness that we have, The solidarity feeling that sticks in our hearts, and the love that we share through each other. At that time, We had no burden in our shoulders, We just aimed for fun, and we did it. :') we made the best moments, and unforgettable , and everlasting memories that will last in our hearts. <3

No word can express how much i love you guys, GO GO π r 2 t. IX-2 YEAR 2009/2010. :D <3

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Missing you.

I first heard this song when watching Dream High, a Korean drama. It's completely a great drama, with an interesting plot, and the kind of drama that makes you can't sleep and can't stop watching it till you know how they end. and i am totally falling in love with this song.

Only Hope - Mandy Moore Mp3

Only Hope - Mandy Moore.

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

Furthermore, This song is played too in ' A Walk to Remember' movie. :)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Coffee and Tea.

Hello people. it has been a long time since i posted the very last post. way to lazy these days. yeah, Holiday always makes me feel better. Sleep late , wake late.

left two days and I'm going back to school routine. And right when i thought about it, I feel the dizziness of having school, exams and tuition. Seriously, These hectic schedules are driving me insaner and insaner day by day. i wish i could graduate soon ,so that i could know and feel the life of being a freshman. I know sometimes i'm going to miss my juvenile life, high school sweet memories, but right now , this second, all i want is to go somewhere far away, going to my dream university, and enjoy myself there. Because here, this place, sucks. i wanna start a brand whole new.

and i just realized that till now, i haven't found any suitable books for my journal. Then, im feeling like oh-my-god, since now it's April already, and we are going May just in few days more. how could i possibly this careless? it's such a lame if i start to write in May, although it doesn't show any much difference between April and May. -_-

don't read this post. i know i'm mumbling.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Sleep Soundly.

Hi. I am so bored so i decided to play with My cam. via Skype. and i am enjoying my holiday since the third graders are now having the national examination. So here i am!

okay low bad picture produced by this little cam. I'm being such a lazy worm these days, wake up late, and i feel sleepy all the days long. and at night, i keep busying myself with watching movies, online-ing , and reading novels. anyway, I am so in the mood for holiday!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

beautiful things.

Hi. Do you see the pictures above? i bet everyone has known it, yap, the OPI nail polish Katty Perry's edition with four colors. you may see this as ordinary nail polish, but wait till you see the topcoat Black shatter. See the crack pattern which covering all those nails? Yap, The black shatter is a dream comes true.

And i feel like collecting all those colors. I want i want i want i want. :(


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Shouting out aloud.

I found out that truth is no longer a weapon to win, but how many people in your side decide.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Patience is the key.

i am trying. although i seemed so fine, but actually I'm not. I don't want to complain anymore, I don't want to be seen as a person who always think everything in her way, without thinking if i were them. I have known that every person have their own difficulties, and i make a deal with myself. I'm so done with all my complains, and i will just try to be tranquil, be calm, and manage it by myself. There should be a time where i feel the world is just so not equitable, but i believe every thing has its own way, and i should learn how to cope with it. I have noticed and thought about it, certainly I'm still standing with a point that's it's so unfair. That simple though won't change anything, but a way, an action to solve it. Now, i am trying, and struggling in order to find a way, to settle it.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

my eyes hurt.

Let the pictures speak. I need a break. I am tired enough.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

I am not gonna lose.

nope. i am not gonna be that childish anymore. i should have learned from my previous mistakes. i should be patient. i should get more mature. i should calm myself down, cause it's such a howler to get worried every single day by somebody that is nobody.

this time, this moment, i am not going to lose anymore. enough is enough. i have put up with it for quite a time. so, now i am trying to not care everything, to be an ignorant, so that i can live happily and peacefully. although sometimes i feel being hurt, i shouldn't showed my emotion, and i should control my temper. i can't get my emotion that easily. i should learn with it, deal with it. i can't lose anymore, i need to be strong. i will fight till it ends. i will not surrender.

Friday, April 1, 2011

I am walking away.

Happy April mop people! do you get fooled? Yes i am. i went to school like usual, and when it came to physics lesson, i was like doing the work given by my teacher and i didn't that care about friends who were sitting behind me. All i knew is they were laughing hilariously, and made a lousy voice like something very funny had happened. and i didn't really care , and kept dealing with my work until ......... until the recess time, when i asked them what was so funny. none of them answered, and they kept walking, telling my other classmates about something, and i didn't know. even at that time, i still didn't know until, one of my classmates, who has just come back, said something like my friends were doing something related to me, and like finally, someone showed me, and i read one of the broadcasts.

Guess what happened? My friends were broadcasting that i was selling shoes, and i sold sport shoes for boys, with a super duper sale. and in such a short time, i got like a lot of requests in my blackberry messenger, and again, even unlucky, my blackberry was taken, and they were like accepting those requests and started to open chat, asking them as if i were a shoes seller. OMG. could you imagine that? Moreover, My friends broadcasted again those messages, and They used my phone to broadcast it AGAIN, and for your information, i have mom, sis, and my auntie, or my other relatives in my contacts list, and they just sent it without selection. O M G (again) there were a lot of requests, and even my sister, asked me. -_____-. Everyone seemed to believe them! -.- and i was like running after my friends to get my phone back, and make a quick hit for them. shouting in insanity, but at the same time, i felt the thrill feeling running in my blood, as i was feeling so humble, and i felt a little bit fun. although it may be like one of many worst and crazy scenarios for April mop, i still felt the F U N . HAHAHA.!

Happy April Fool's Day!

Thursday, March 31, 2011

It's unstable.

i have no idea about what has knocked me down. I have figured out that it' s no more anger that has led me to this, but it's more like disaffection. The things go blur, and i am lost, stuck and trapped somewhere in the middle. I have tried my best, and i do know that I can blame you all, but flashing back to it, doesn't it indicate that this is all planned? maybe it's not a plan, but don't you realize that it's habitual actions that cause a forever thing. and that is what happened. it's may not be forever but maybe it will last, for a long time, long enough to kill me slowly. There's always something positive that i can take on every occurrence, but then again, I am tired enough to be the one who seemed okay with everything. I have told i am totally not okay, but can do nothing to deal with it. Because if i make a move, then someone could be hurt, but have ever you thought about vice versa? i am tired enough and patient enough, and at the same time, i am totally fed up with myself. Please think if you were in my shoes, i bet you wouldn't have said something that will cool up.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


Hi. I am up again. yes, i know it's almost midnight already, and I'm up. I was being burdened with my piling-up homework, mom keeps nagging me to organize her reunion photos, and i must book a flight for my daddy. AH! I NEED A BREAK!!!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Like always.

Hello! i am finally posting something after....... several weeks! teehehehes ! i have been busy so lately and actually i got no plan for blogging today, but anyway, i am just coming to post some pictures. Like always, i am always into to Paris! and do you see the pink camera at the top? yes, it's one of my wish-lists for my sixteenth birthday, which is only two more months! :D can't believe time flies so fast. goodnight xxx.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Life cycles.

we will never know how one condition can be reversed, how bad luck can be turned into good luck. and after months of mystery, blurry , finally i got answers to everything. every single thing that has led me to confusion, sadness, and i have finally got satisfying answers for that. in contrast, the truth is i don't really care about the reasons that have stood behind it, but i am so grateful to have wonderful people around me when i was really down. This post is truly dedicated to people who i really love, and i hope i can always have them in my life. i know it sounds selfish, but isn't it so hard to find people like them? the one that always beside you, supporting you, when you yourself don't know what to do. i do know, the consequences of entering this acceleration class, means i will graduate early and we won't meet everyday, won't have lunch together. but I'm very certain, and I truly hope, our bonds will be strengthened, and this friendship will last. :)

because friendship isn't measured by how long you are with them, but how often they are always with you when you have no one else to rely on. :)

p.s. when you saw those pictures, i believe you will know. :) love you guys. :)

Monday, January 31, 2011


hello people! it's 3 days to go for Chinese New Year, and I am so happy. and yes, tomorrow I'm going to visit my sis, after six months. :D. I just can't wait to see her :D. tomorrow I'm going to take an early flight so i had better sleep early. so CIAO !! xxxx :D

Sunday, January 30, 2011

counting days?

out of many reasons that you have provided, i don't find it's a really good idea. i am just so tired.

Friday, January 28, 2011

everything is settled.

so CNY is approaching everybody!. and that's one of many reasons why i am so happy these days. my mood is on the top!. Yes, the trip has been confirmed, and that makes me feel so exhilarated.

and as time flies, i believe that everything will change, so do people. and i think everybody in this earth should have some egocentric part in himself. but how come they didn't think people around them? i mean, well, you must put yourself upon others, but you should think about others, as they will be affected just by your simple decision. and that's how i feel right now. i am stuck in this situation, i know that there's a clear reason why it became like this, but somehow when i really think over all, there's some part of me saying that" Why should i always be the one who tolerant? the one who will always say okay? " uhm, im not saying im an angel nor a saint, but there's a situation which encourages you to say fine, even it's not fine. and a condition which makes you can say nothing, even though you are totally mad with their acts that are so far beyond limits. i mean, even you are doing this for your own sake, shouldn't you think about others? moreover that has never been yours in the first time. maybe it won't affect to you or them, but how about others? just somehow i thought that i am so tired, and some tiny part of me are telling me that this is way too much. this is beyond any limitations. and the more i think, the more i get mad. or maybe i am too naive, being so sensitive? :(

i hate being in this situations i am tired. it is definitely so fake.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

words are powerful

hello. it has been a week since my last post yeah? yes, i am so busy. i have been living in a super hectic week in this life. i get up very early in the morning ,and arrive home at night due to a lot of tuition. i don't know why i can't manage my time. and i always missed my homework and it ends up that i copied everything from my friend's work. my life's really hectic, with some problems adding it, i feel that my life is enough messy. i hate being so sensitive and i get mad so so easily. and i realized that how powerful words are. Just by some provocative tone, i can feel that my closest person is slowly disappeared. and if i didn't take an action, to say everything, to say what the story really is, i guess i will get nobody to lean on. and i do learn something from this. although i am so disappointed, at least, they have known the truth.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

time, please stop. please . i wanna turn back.

just now i went to equinox. my former tuition place to have a reunion with my fellas. i miss them, i miss the time when im still studying at here. we are always joking, teasing each other, and shouting like freaking out people. i miss the way we are together, learning together,and i always think that we will always be together until graduation. never have crossed my mind that im going to choose my class, which means im going to leave them. and remembering those birthday moments, that we will make surprises to the birthday person, and every person has different surprises. see how hard our works? and i love them. i want to be with them. like we have been together for 4 years something, sure thing. they are a part of me.

and oh well, i just love white and red roses. i just cant choose one between them. roses are girls' bestfriends!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A Script.

Friday, 3rd of February, 20.00 P.M

it's not like i'm committing to crimes or not, but im just taking a revenge. well, that can't be counted as revenge as i only do what they do to me. it's not like that i don't think if i were in your shoes, but it's more like i can't shut my mouth up all the times. remember, everyone has their own limits right? so if you keep doing that so, i will keep doing mine too. although i know that maybe you will judge me too selfish but have you ever thought that you did this too? maybe everyone will see im the wrong person, i am the bad. but right now i only can think of myself. maybe i will say nothing if you laugh at some certain circumstances, but if you laugh too much, of course i will laugh back. and at that moment, don't blame me, say what you need to say. everyone of course wants to be the winner, but please mind your attitudes. that's an ironic since that you can goodly judge someone, saying the fact that followed by the true reality, but when it comes to yourself, you are the worst. and if you keep saying that you are the righteous, but that's only in your mind, how about the others? it's not like what you think the best is the best for others.and it's not that you can control every person. maybe they will look okay, but actually they aren't.think widely, globally. i don't know if the others have figured it or not, but at least, i can tolerate what is in my way.but if it's out my way, i won't shut up. yeah, you are not even worthy to be worried. sorry. but i just can't let you too into my life. i must do some action too. at least, i need to show some pride in myself, i can't end up becoming a fool. you need to know me, and understand me. as i do to you. don't act too over.i just too tired of being okay as im not. so, mind yourself please.


Cielerie Frostore.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Flowers and leaves what will you choose?

so now i am surfing the internet. i wanna read something, so i try to re-read my previous posts for i-dont know-how-many-times-already. whenever i feel bored, or down i always re-read my posts for a while. it has been a year since i blogged for the first time. and right now i feel so bad. i don't wanna face tomorrow honestly saying. actually nothing bad happened, but i am way too afraid if something is going to keep on happening. although i have said it, i have got so many pieces of advices. still i can't let go. i believe that sometimes we can simply accept and forgiving someone not because of their apologizes, not because we feel some sympathy for them, but because we can't go on without them. because they have been a part of us, and that's so hard to let go. we need more time, more explanation, more patience to do. and right now, i know and i understand the feeling of that. it's not the matter who are right and wrong. but it's the matter who still want to stay, and endeavor together.


hello people! it's Sunday. okay im planning to work on some projects today. but after working in it like several minutes, i end up watching vampire diaries online. -.-. yeah im such a lame, a wonderful procrastinator. -.- so i had better start working on my projects now. so CIAO! :D

and about my journal. big sister said that i no need to find it anymore. She has one, and she's going to me on february maybe. -.- im not sure if i can wait that long huh. i need to write asap. yeah, writing has been my passion lately. ;)

p.s. dear somebody, you will never know how much i miss you.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

some things are unexplainable

hello people! how are you? today is Saturday which makes me feeling more alive than yesterday yesterday. i just haven't get used to my daily life. which is so bored and full of tuition. and i know that i am and will be so busy, so tired, in this upcoming week when every tuition is going to start. okay back to it, my grandma has came back already and guess what i got?

and, yeahhh. my sister gives me this :

uhm well as you look, this is the christmas plus new year present from her plus a pink wallet :D. i have been craving this for years you know. i have been trying to search everywhere . well i found some exactly look like but not so elegant, and not so real. even my friends are trying to search it as a present for my fifteenth birthday but they didn't find it. and sis told me that she found it. i am feeling so contented, exactly what i have been wanting! :D :D :D :D thankyou sis! xxxxxx i love it way too much. more than you can expect.

anyway, have i ever told you that i am so into Eiffel. that's way i change the background. :D. guess i need to say Eiffel i'm in L-o-v-e! :D
and i keep asking why? like what my sister writes in my journal that i need to be strong. i need to have something positive thoughts sticking in my mind. she writes everything that motivate me. She motivates me A LOT. i read it and i found her writings are truly touching. maybe this is the bond of being sisters. *im not being hyperbole* i feel that she's always there to support me, sometimes my sis can know what im hiding even if im not telling her. she can always see through which makes me feel so peaceful. it's like i can't hide everything from her, and after having a talk with me i always feel so relieved. like my burdens are all gone. :)

okay, should go to have a great slumber. enjoy your weekends people! goodnight xxxx

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Rise and shine!

school starts. back to hectic life.feel like shouting. i don't wanna go back to school, i need more and more holidays. :( anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR everybody! have you had a great party? i stayed at home . i didn't go to any party because i was sick. so pathetic huh? yes, actually i have been feeling not well these days. headache, stomachache, got fever and i even vomited. feel so bad. and as grandma hasn't got back home. mama seemed always tells me to drink something-sweet-orange-liquid? i don't know what the function is. but it's kind of vitamin C. guess i am sick with it. yes, grandma has visited big sis for half month. and i don't know when she will be going home. nothing can beat my grandma's cooking. :9.

reading my old posts reminds me of everything that has happened last year. and i still can remember clearly. like they just happened yesterday. again, why time ticks so fast? especially when we are with our beloved ones? :( and this blog is going to be one years old in a month! yeay. chinese new year is coming and im so looking forward for it. cause im going to spend it with big sis. vacation oh vacation!

and oh, school life is killing me. i can't even wake up in the morning. i feel so sleepy. go to school with messy look. yes that has always been my trademark. always falling asleep in car, and always daydreaming in classes. this is so-me! but attending school is always cheering me up. because i can meet my girls, and we are always crazy. and don't forget classmates. we are so loud. :D. guess friends are the biggest gift i have got besides family. :). and i miss my journal so much. i need to find a new book asap. i wanna write. well, as you know. blog is too public. certainly i cannot type everything here.

here are some pictures taken in brastagi, where i spent most of holidays at there, and because i miss sinabung's sangwoo. the reason why i came there. and Christmas. <3.

is it lavender? ehey ;)

p.s. you give a hope, and you took it away. why? i miss you. silly!