Saturday, October 30, 2010

you and me are good.

will post something at night. dont know why, but lately, i have a longing to write, to type everything. to express everything what i felt. well, actually i made this blog for improving my ability in english, and to be able to express what i feel. write everything here. and yes, truly i find my pleasure in writing these. write something and you can't stop. :). okay i will continue at night, :), will have my dinner soon. xoxo

Fly fly away.

i wanna fly with my own balloons. somehow, i wish to move from this place, i want to live to another new place, with new people, and start a new life. :(

hola! frankly speaking, i had the best week in this October. let me tell you, on Wednesday, exams ended. and i went to sun plaza, with my friends. on that day, too bad we cant catch up for Step up. so we just had fun, walking around, gossiping then go home. it was a nice day, though. <3. and later, on friday, well, suddenly, our physics teacher canceled today's tuition, so we, six of us, went to sun plaza for step up. <3. wohooooo! surprising? yes, right after school ended, we went there by kartini's car. and together with karen, grisella, christinawaty, jennifer, kartini, we watch step up. :D, had the best friday for this month. <3. a very nice day. :D, honestly, my parents wont allowed me to go to anywhere after school , and this is my first time, hanging out with friends after school till the night, i felt so contented. :D and tomorrow,which is halloween night, i am going to attend a party to celebrate it. life has treated me so good lately. :D. feel satisfied and thankful to what i have. thanks god. <3.

well, there is still another problem haunting me, cant tell you here. i plan to let it goes, let it flows, cause i have no more strength to do that. :(. anw, i wanna thank to those who always support me, and those who always ask, "what happened ? ", and for those who always comfort me. thank you my fellas. :)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

plain and pale

cry wont solve a thing. yes i do understand. and again., im gonna say that these weeks are the very tough one for me.but crying is so much better when you cant tell to anyone. everything is going wrong, exams, friends, everything. can't even smile at this. feeling that i am so stupid, blaming everything. i want to shout loudly " WHAT'S GOING ON?" but still, you guys play the game huh? and i am the stupid rabbit who follow. sorry, but i wont follow.

dont do everything you want, think about another people to. try to put yourself in their shoes, you never know how they feel, and through these, i can see, who is and who isnt . . . . .
i wont give up, i wont lose.

Monday, October 25, 2010


lack of sleep. i cant do the exams well, and im having my year end examination. some friends' issues, worrying about my future, worrying about my dream uni, anything worse than this?

i am seriously doomed. hard to say this, but it's like i cant live anymore. things aren't going in the way they should be, or it's me?


Sunday, October 24, 2010

Yellow and Blue

hello, people. today is sunday. do you have a great sunday everyone? well, i dont. tomorrow is math's exam and i need to go to tuition. and moreover, i skip my piano tuition for today. i dont know why, i just felt kinda sad that i missed my piano tuition. i dont know, lately piano has been my passion. mom asked me to take a major in music, piano to be exact when i graduate. i havent made a decision yet, but im sure i intend to do so. being a pianist is not so bad right? :D.

and well, my exams are pathetic , this exam week is driving me crazy, can i just pray and hope for the best? i have put my efforts and i cant think of it anymore. thinking of my silly mistakes stressed me out. :(. yes, i am way to silly.

and oh yeah, i think red roses are way too pretty. i love white roses, but red roses are just too gorgeous!

Saturday, October 23, 2010


you make friends everyday. you socialize everyday. you chat with your best friends everyday, but you never know one day, they will stop talking to you, and they are just like, showing that they have some uneasy feelings towards you. you never know that, sometimes, words that you have said, and you didnt mean anything , could be meant something for them. and they will never tell you why. they will only make a distance and they will tell the other friend of yours, that you are this these and that. and other friends start to make another distance with you. you never know why, but this thing just keep continuing. yet, they are making it worse, they are just like showing their dislikes to you, and you will start feeling guilty. start blaming yourself for all this happen. because, for you, they are important, they are the light of your life. you never want to lose them, if only they didnt do that to you. sometimes, you can forgive them for every single small mistakes they made, but they can't. they make it bigger and they worsen it. the matter is because they slowly attack you, with a number of them, while you are only fight by yourself. unfair? yes, definitely but this is happening, no one is going to give you explanation, and they are all going, leaving you behind. . . . . . . . and sometimes, they say something but they have never known the truth. . . . . . ironic. unfair.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


i am a stupid. i am way too stupid. too silly. :'((((((((((((((

Saturday, October 16, 2010

I am me

hello. okay i get to say that in four days im going to face a final test for this semester. quite fast yeah? yes, dont forget im in acceleration class. -.-, everything is quicker and quicker. -.-, school sucks yeah. i will have physics for my first day. and i still can't. :(. life's pathetic.

so, everything is changed when i start to reminisce everything. something that you expect, may not comes true. someone that will leave you in days, and someone that you think they are the best for you, but yeah people change, so are their feelings. i just never think that things will just change in minute, just like you have said something wrong but you dont mean it. people wont take that as excuse right? they will judge you as always, and frankly speaking, i can't accept critics that easily, i will take them to deep and i will just blame myself. :(. im too sensitive i guess. i cant see the good point and im indecisive. :( i am stuck. it's like i lost, but i will try to build something again, build another thick wall to protect myself, saying that "it's fine" although it's not. but what's the point right ? what can i do? i will remain me, i will take the good points , but i still to strengthen myself up. there's no point in this earth that i will get down for somebody like you. this life, my life, is meant to be good. i am fated to enjoy my life. okay thankyou bye bye. :D

i am not strong. but i need to fuel up myself. that's the best thing i can do, that suffering the black sadness or even crying. i still have my life to go on. :D

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

distance is surely a matter.

if you were me, will you say sorry for something that is not your fault?

thought of the day. i am hungry, so dear readers, goodbye.* smoochies*. :D

Sunday, October 10, 2010


keep wondering using the word " how if, ..... if only....." silly me, keep wondering although that those things wont be real. i just feel down, feel so disappointed. it's like i disappoint my family, especially daddy and mommy. although they say it's fine, but still, there's a tiny part of me that regret it. i regretted of what i have done. :(. im too silly to be true. :( i cant express my feelings. it's too hard for me :(. the only thing i said is yes i am too stupid, silly or anything. i am not able to get it. :(

oh yes, exams are coming soon and i haven't prepared anything.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Patrick's thoughts.

this life is unexpected. you will always hear some people comment about your bad sides, and when you receive the harsh critics, what can you do? you cant just let it goes, cause they directly point that to you, without knowing how much pain you have enduring. they judge, and you aren't always right. you got wrong too sometimes, but will you expect to hear it from them? although we all know that cry wont solve, but crying is just the only way to express our feelings. cry holds a thousand unspoken words.

you will always make mistakes, cause mistakes will lead you to the right path. after you make mistakes over again, you will reveal all the truth. and when you think you find the right ones, they always wrong. you need time to start over again, and it takes time to reveal everything. and you cant do nothing when you are facing to the fact. the fact always hurts, no matter what happen.

i know, and i will endeavor. thank you for the supports. life is never fair. you need to walk along it, and you will see a lot of stones waiting for you. but, dont give up. you will never know what's behind the hard stones. there might be something special waiting for you.

easy to write but hard to do. yeah life is complicated.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

spongebob and patrick

hello. okay, I'm just telling you some things about my life so that my blog isn't that dead :D. okay, i can say that my life is quite hectic, i guess. we g
ot tons of homework need to be done at a time, and all the assignments are given in one time!. yes, i am so freaking exhausted. and well, exams are coming soon. we need to be prepared right? and i guess i am still far from the word 'prepared'.
so life is hectic, and you need to fight for your goal. okay, i will always keep it to my mind. and anyway, i think somehow my life changed little by little, with different people stepping in, but only the bests ones remain. :)

and well, my parents keep reminding me about what major I'm taking. and well, I'm still confused. what should i want to be? the question is spinning in my head, and i feel like the answer is somewhere at the ocean. okay i am exaggerating. but really, i have no idea. mom said i should have decided it by now. an omg, i really have too much things to be thought. -.-

ah ya, somehow i miss my sister, a.k.a jesslyn chance who is currently studying abroad. i definitely miss her so much. i have never expected that when she went to there, i will feel so lonely. i miss her so badly although we skype almost every weekends with two hours per day. i still miss her!!!!

uhm no, the photo that you saw is me, not my sis. ;) my hair grows longer, but it is not enough. D: D:

the truth always hurts, and why we always want to know the truth? it hurts, and what can i do? and i don't have the power to change it, or set them right. can i just let it flows by itself? and witnessing that i have lost someone? ..........