Friday, December 31, 2010

hello, 2011

Hello. 2010 is going to end soon. Approximately in 4 hours. Just a little bit flash back to 2010, there are so many important events happening this year. Something unexpected comes, although i have some failures too. Got very much disappointments through this year. well, shouldn't look back for the past. anyway, i need to say that 2010 gives me the greatest moments of the year. i never regret of saying that 2010 is wonderful for me. cause there's somebody out there. well, not being like im-in-love-moody. and im not. :D.anyway, it's new year, so i will leave anything bad behind. and those sweet memories, will be everlasting. will be the moments that i will miss. and i should make new resolutions.

first of all, i wanna improve, be better, especially in grades. i have done so bad in school, and i wanna improve it. i just want everything to be better, and improved. and i thought this year is going to be a tough one for me. as im going to get everything's done for this upcoming year. and guess what? maybe this year is going to be last year of my high school year. that i will spend this year preciously. maybe i will have (again) some Chinese proficiency test, and English too. i just hope everything can be done perfectly, or maybe smoothly. and i need to prepare everything, thinking up what major that i want. yet mama and papa always said that i need to prepare for the uni entrance test that will be held next year. one year to go! that will be my goal for this year. so i need to work hard! and i need to be more mature, be tougher in facing everything. i believe that i will still encounter many obstacles during my life, but i won't give up, if i give up, that will only mean i am just babbling. i wanna aim for the best, with my best effort. ;)

there's no gain without pain right? :D.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

i do know my heart, but i don't know yours.

again. i feel so bad for myself. i don't know what's happening but i keep disappointing myself, and of course my parents. i don't know. i have put my best efforts, or it isn't enough from beginning? i saw the others, we are both same , but they go more. they get more, they achieve more. i was like , " why can't i be like them?" i know i am too shallow to have a thought like that. but at the moment, i felt this kind of disappointment. . seemed like everything that i have done doesn't end good. or is it me who ruin everything? i am lost. got no path to walk on. i know i still can pass it, but now it is the matter of the scores. people wont see your grade, but they see numbers. although you get a grade A but your score is just average, that's so fail to meet a success. that's so average score, i know i should be grateful enough. guess i am daydreaming too much. i really don't know what to do. can things go right without to fix it? i am so tired of making everything becomes right. i thought that everything is at the right place from the yeah, i need to calm, i still have another chance. and i do believe in second chance. i should gather all my energy and be strong. i should be tough. i should endeavor. never stop trying. there's always a rainbow after heavy rain with thunders and storms right? i know im being too indecisive and too fragile. leaving 2010, i should start with a new goals, and aim for higher success. the most important thing for me now is future. i shouldn't get any distractions. concentrate, hello jennessia chance!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

i jump,you catch?

Merry christmas everyone! am i too late? -_- sorry, i am out of town for like 5 days. yesterday i went back, and i feel so exhausted. i will post some photos of mine later. and will tell you about my holiday. have i mentioned that i am on holiday? yes, h
oliday is now, and there's no time that i am going to waste even a second. anyway, i miss my journal book. yes,i have been writing on a book. like a diary book, but more like journal. i don't have any idea what pushes me to write a journal. but the idea came just crossed my mind, and i was like" why not?" yet writing has been my passion lately. back to it, my book is in my sister's place now. yes, i sent it to my sis because i wanted her to read it. nothing special, just wanted to show it. and now i feel like i want to buy a new book to write. well, the old book sucks, maybe that's one of many reasons why i send it to my big sis. but until now, i haven't found it. i have been spending today all along at home. since the first day of holiday i have out from town, i miss home so much. no place sounds so better than our home. anyway, medan is so hot! i am a hot girl now! ;p. ready to be served! -_-v


hehe, i painted my nails this color. a little bit brownish. actually i don't like dark colors, but sometimes, why don't we give it a try? ;)

Friday, December 24, 2010

i shouldn't escape.

I know it's christmas eve and i should be happy. But i just can't think of doing other things instead of crying. This is so hurts. I don't know. The thing that i fear the most finally happen. I don't get it wrong. I have got it right, from beginning. It's just because i keep denying all these. I should be more sensible. I escaped way too much. I just didn't dare to accept the truths although there are a lot of proofs. I was too afraid to admit it, and now what to do? Cry. Although there are so many things that need to deal with. I just can't handle it all alone. I can't accept, or maybe i should learn to accept it. Anyone, can you make me amnesia ? I would like to forget all the things that are happening. Even the sweet memories, i wanna have an amnesia now.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

It is known.

i have got two proofs. honestly, there's something that is hidden and i don't know. is it a drama? or just my feeling? even if it's true, i won't fall. at least for now. i should admit that life is so hard. and sometimes i am so tired. yes, let go.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

another day, another drama.

if i find you, i wont give up on you. guess you will be my everything.

cookies and peanuts.

even if it's real, i shouldn't fall. i should be tough.

Hello everyone. how's your sunday? well, i am so tired. i need sleep! yes, i just slept about six hours yesterday since i was watching until midnight. :D.and this morning, i went to my piano tuition , and physics tuition. i ended up staying at my Karen house until we were studying together , having lunch together with my other friends. exam is getting nearer. yes, it's about 3 days to go. i am so afraid, yet so exhausted. i feel like i want to have a long slumber, and then go out for some refreshment. but i guess i need to postpone it. what i need to focus to now is only my exam. i can't make the same mistakes again. once is enough. future is the most important thing. okay, until here. i really need to have some rests. i feel so tired. fatigue.

anyway, i have cut my hair. :d. i shorten it well, you can say i cut the bad lucks. but, it is too short for me. my old hair used to be so long, and i feel a little not comfortable plus no confidence with my new hair. i want my long hair so badly! i have just cut it for one day and now i regret it so much!!.

hello, jennessia chance, you need not to be so sensitive even if it's true. try to be positive thinking, you will know what good thing will come to you. once again, you need to cheer yourself up, for whatever obstacles you may meet.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

i type everything here.

have you ever experienced a condition which makes you to stay still, not to complain even your heart hurts the most?

well yes i have, and i am going to learn from them. i mean, you need to show your pride to them. it's like when you act you don't care, and think that it's okay. they will continue. they wont know until you act differently right? so that's what i am going to do. i wont take it easily, for this time. i promise myself i wont. i just can hold them all. i am going to explode, sooner or later.

it's like exactly 8 days to examination. and i am not ready yet. as usual. anyway, today i attended my friend's birthday party, and we ended up watching "Ghost Writer". It is a good movie, indeed. although i kept typing something on my phone cause i felt afraid. uhm, i have no one beside me. it was an empty seat. -.- overall, it's a good, mysterious , yet confusing movie. :)

and i just realized how time ticks so fast, flies so fast. this year is going to end soon. and that means only one year and another three months left for my senior high school year. just can't believe how my juvenile year will end so soon, and will be replaced by life in university. life's too short, sometimes.

Monday, December 6, 2010

I wish i could fly.

i am so disappointed. especially to myself. i can't do nothing, except accepting the truth. blame everything on me. cause i am the one who causes it. it's me who make the result became so bad. i thought i have put my best effort in it, i thought i have done my best. but still, i am wrong. and this time, i fall. but again, who to blame except myself? i am the one. i am doomed.

and this time, it's too late,even for crying. nothing can change it. it should be done in the very beginning, but well, like what i said. i am the one who made it. i am the silliest one.


My class. taken on 25th of november with our beloved teacher, Ms. Ernawati and Ms. Deliana :D
seven boys with thirteen girls. ahhahaa. That's us. :D

Saturday, December 4, 2010

there's always something.

let me escape. let me go. don't ask. blame myself for whatever happened.i wanna leave. i know you may say i am a cowardice, but still i am going to escape, at least for now.

Monday, November 29, 2010

london bridge is falling down

suddenly i miss orchard. i miss singapore. i miss my sis. i miss jesslyn chance. i wish you were here. the reason why i keep telling my blog every single thing, cause i thought the best place to spill out my emotion is in my blog.

i spend my days focusing on my studies cause i dont want to let my parents to be disappointed. and i wanna grab my goal. i wanna do the best in my juvenile age, i wanna reach my ambition.
left 2 weeks before exam, welcome super pathetic plus boring doomed week.

a brand new start.

you know, after some weeks, like 2 months something. we need to move on, stand up, facing everything. yes, sometimes you dont need to explain anything. somehow we are too tired to start everything and solving everything. why dont we just go through everything? just let it flows. i believe time wont heal, but it surely will help :). i am cheering myself up, after some pathetic months that i have passed. i should have realized that i still have a lot of precious friends, families, people around mine. and i shouldn't keep burdening myself. :D. life must go on, we need to make a new step. :D. whatever might happen, happens. i know god has arranged the best thing for me. :)

life is getting good, although some things keep running in my mind. i should remind myself to be more careful. cause im afraid to be hurt again and again with the same thing, different people. i am tired, so tired to encounter everything. i know i keep saying these, but yes i wanna escape. i wanna move. i wanna have a new start, a new surroundings, i want to leave all the rest behind. . . . . . . . .

why cant everything stay the same? :(

and someone outta there, i think that i miss you. i miss the way we talking. i miss you. that's all i can say.

free glitter -

doctor ratings

Sunday, November 28, 2010


the very top photo was taken on 25th november, teacher's day and my sister birthday. yes, i participate in a club called " Korsik" and we showed on teachers' day. :p. that was quite fun. i was playing marching bell, or you can say xylophone. :D.
and the below two pictures were taken on Mauren's Birthday. She is now fifteen, and i am very thankful to have her. These two are my bests, no matter what happens.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Less, fewer.

i am doing my project cause i thought it's due on next wednesday, but my friends said it should be submitted by tomorrow. -.- such a disaster! okay then, byebye. should be doing on my project. oh, silly me. -.-

i should be strong. Fighting jennessia chance! :D

Saturday, November 20, 2010

okay, i should persevere.

i need to be strong, and problems will make me more mature in everything. i should learn how to let go, how to accept the truth, although reality always hurts the most. i should know that this problems cant drag me so long, and i should find another new things. i should know that people change, and it's no matter of who are wrong or right. the matter is some words are better unspoken. let time decides, let time heals for us. let it be . . . .


sometimes, i wanna leave this city. leave all the bad memories behind me, reaching another star of my life. and i dont know how many tears i have shed this month. :(

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Butterfly fly away.

Thanks sis, for being the only place where i can spill out everything. the only one who is able to see what im hiding, even we only see each other via skype. ;). cause you are the one that i believe the most, and we are far apart now. i miss you so much sis, the day we go to school together, shop together, teasing each other, . . . . . but then i realized you need to pursue your study. and reach your goal! :D. will support you fully from here. and do you know that just by telling you everything and listening to your advices makes me feel better? it's like my energy is being stored. :D. thanks for being my best sister. love you always. <3.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

real eyes realize real lies.

so it's going to be 12 p.m. soon. no worries, tomorrow is holiday people! yes, finally, i would have a very great hibernation if only my mandarin teacher didn't text me about tomorrow's morning tuition -.- so how's life everybody? yes, indeed. i need to say that life has treated me so good, and the thing that i should do is work hard, endeavor every single thing, never give up in reaching my goals. yes, i need to put them to my mind like seriously.

and i back to my daily routine, which means i am so bored yet i am so relax. cause the exams are ended, and it left about one month to face another examination. and i dont know why, i think time ticks so fast, and i need to be rush. i have a very little time to accomplish everything. everything that is needed to enter a uni. and i need to think and decide quickly which major im going to take. i feel like i have no time to even think. everything needs to be done so quickly. -.- okay i know i am babbling but yes, those are what i felt recently.

oh well, i still have something that need to be worried. a thing that came without my knowing, and involving me, and i dont know when it will end. certainly i know things are getting better, but this feeling , this cant be gone just in time. i need time. sometimes, i feel like escaping the world sounds so much better, not mentioning to be a cowardice but still . . .

i am so sorry if my latest posts are all so gloomy and i keep telling you the same thing. cause this blog is the only place where i can share everything. goodnight. :)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Rainbow and storm

trying to cheer myself up. there's always a rainbow behind rain right?

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


Ask, and everything will be answered. don't be afraid too ask, don't be too pessimistic, try to look for another point of view. try to be positive, search for another people that are better, open up your mind. there are still a big big people around you. look forward.

lemons are yellow, bananas are yellow too, but you and me are black to white.

Monday, November 8, 2010

crying in the rain.

Hi. :) i skipped today's school as i didnt feeling well. i am sick, to be exact. well, i really dont know what to type or to say. somehow, i am speechless for all the things that has already happened. somehow, i wish that i can run, escape and how i wish to be an ignorant so that i cant be hurt so easily. because honestly, i dont wanna lose them. but what to say? a broken glass would never be a perfect glass again, at least, we have the scar inside our heart. :(. and i really dont know what to do, i will just try to be an ignorant.

early november is making me sick, frankly speaking, i dont know how much tears i have been pouring out. lately i become so sensitive, and easily to get hurt. :( and i start to blame everything in me. cant get the rid off of this heavy feeling. yes, i wanna move from this city, my heart said. can i? 1 year and a half wont take a long time right? :(

you may say i am a coward, but sometimes, dont you feel like running from this uneasy situation and starting a new life is so much better?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

guess what ? i dont know you.

nobody knows. nobody asked. and i will just keep the pain, endure it. Time wont heal, but it will help right? :(. i hope so.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


bring out your camera, take a shoot of yours. life is meant to be enjoyed. ;)


Silence doesnt mean i can be fooled. please, dont be like this. if i had anything wrong, please just say it directly. dont be like this. even you guys are acting normally, i could feel something wrong is happening. i can't figure it out. no one will understand how i feel, i have all of these burdens , keeping it alone. i know i will get older by thinking so much.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Time flies.

hello november, 011110. a very nice numbers. november has come, sister birthday is coming too! too bad she's going to celebrate her eighteenth without us. :/

and in few days, it will be exactly one year after the incident. and still, the same thing is happening again, and i dont know what to do. got not tears to cry. . . .. . ..

Saturday, October 30, 2010

you and me are good.

will post something at night. dont know why, but lately, i have a longing to write, to type everything. to express everything what i felt. well, actually i made this blog for improving my ability in english, and to be able to express what i feel. write everything here. and yes, truly i find my pleasure in writing these. write something and you can't stop. :). okay i will continue at night, :), will have my dinner soon. xoxo

Fly fly away.

i wanna fly with my own balloons. somehow, i wish to move from this place, i want to live to another new place, with new people, and start a new life. :(

hola! frankly speaking, i had the best week in this October. let me tell you, on Wednesday, exams ended. and i went to sun plaza, with my friends. on that day, too bad we cant catch up for Step up. so we just had fun, walking around, gossiping then go home. it was a nice day, though. <3. and later, on friday, well, suddenly, our physics teacher canceled today's tuition, so we, six of us, went to sun plaza for step up. <3. wohooooo! surprising? yes, right after school ended, we went there by kartini's car. and together with karen, grisella, christinawaty, jennifer, kartini, we watch step up. :D, had the best friday for this month. <3. a very nice day. :D, honestly, my parents wont allowed me to go to anywhere after school , and this is my first time, hanging out with friends after school till the night, i felt so contented. :D and tomorrow,which is halloween night, i am going to attend a party to celebrate it. life has treated me so good lately. :D. feel satisfied and thankful to what i have. thanks god. <3.

well, there is still another problem haunting me, cant tell you here. i plan to let it goes, let it flows, cause i have no more strength to do that. :(. anw, i wanna thank to those who always support me, and those who always ask, "what happened ? ", and for those who always comfort me. thank you my fellas. :)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

plain and pale

cry wont solve a thing. yes i do understand. and again., im gonna say that these weeks are the very tough one for me.but crying is so much better when you cant tell to anyone. everything is going wrong, exams, friends, everything. can't even smile at this. feeling that i am so stupid, blaming everything. i want to shout loudly " WHAT'S GOING ON?" but still, you guys play the game huh? and i am the stupid rabbit who follow. sorry, but i wont follow.

dont do everything you want, think about another people to. try to put yourself in their shoes, you never know how they feel, and through these, i can see, who is and who isnt . . . . .
i wont give up, i wont lose.

Monday, October 25, 2010


lack of sleep. i cant do the exams well, and im having my year end examination. some friends' issues, worrying about my future, worrying about my dream uni, anything worse than this?

i am seriously doomed. hard to say this, but it's like i cant live anymore. things aren't going in the way they should be, or it's me?


Sunday, October 24, 2010

Yellow and Blue

hello, people. today is sunday. do you have a great sunday everyone? well, i dont. tomorrow is math's exam and i need to go to tuition. and moreover, i skip my piano tuition for today. i dont know why, i just felt kinda sad that i missed my piano tuition. i dont know, lately piano has been my passion. mom asked me to take a major in music, piano to be exact when i graduate. i havent made a decision yet, but im sure i intend to do so. being a pianist is not so bad right? :D.

and well, my exams are pathetic , this exam week is driving me crazy, can i just pray and hope for the best? i have put my efforts and i cant think of it anymore. thinking of my silly mistakes stressed me out. :(. yes, i am way to silly.

and oh yeah, i think red roses are way too pretty. i love white roses, but red roses are just too gorgeous!

Saturday, October 23, 2010


you make friends everyday. you socialize everyday. you chat with your best friends everyday, but you never know one day, they will stop talking to you, and they are just like, showing that they have some uneasy feelings towards you. you never know that, sometimes, words that you have said, and you didnt mean anything , could be meant something for them. and they will never tell you why. they will only make a distance and they will tell the other friend of yours, that you are this these and that. and other friends start to make another distance with you. you never know why, but this thing just keep continuing. yet, they are making it worse, they are just like showing their dislikes to you, and you will start feeling guilty. start blaming yourself for all this happen. because, for you, they are important, they are the light of your life. you never want to lose them, if only they didnt do that to you. sometimes, you can forgive them for every single small mistakes they made, but they can't. they make it bigger and they worsen it. the matter is because they slowly attack you, with a number of them, while you are only fight by yourself. unfair? yes, definitely but this is happening, no one is going to give you explanation, and they are all going, leaving you behind. . . . . . . . and sometimes, they say something but they have never known the truth. . . . . . ironic. unfair.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


i am a stupid. i am way too stupid. too silly. :'((((((((((((((

Saturday, October 16, 2010

I am me

hello. okay i get to say that in four days im going to face a final test for this semester. quite fast yeah? yes, dont forget im in acceleration class. -.-, everything is quicker and quicker. -.-, school sucks yeah. i will have physics for my first day. and i still can't. :(. life's pathetic.

so, everything is changed when i start to reminisce everything. something that you expect, may not comes true. someone that will leave you in days, and someone that you think they are the best for you, but yeah people change, so are their feelings. i just never think that things will just change in minute, just like you have said something wrong but you dont mean it. people wont take that as excuse right? they will judge you as always, and frankly speaking, i can't accept critics that easily, i will take them to deep and i will just blame myself. :(. im too sensitive i guess. i cant see the good point and im indecisive. :( i am stuck. it's like i lost, but i will try to build something again, build another thick wall to protect myself, saying that "it's fine" although it's not. but what's the point right ? what can i do? i will remain me, i will take the good points , but i still to strengthen myself up. there's no point in this earth that i will get down for somebody like you. this life, my life, is meant to be good. i am fated to enjoy my life. okay thankyou bye bye. :D

i am not strong. but i need to fuel up myself. that's the best thing i can do, that suffering the black sadness or even crying. i still have my life to go on. :D

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

distance is surely a matter.

if you were me, will you say sorry for something that is not your fault?

thought of the day. i am hungry, so dear readers, goodbye.* smoochies*. :D

Sunday, October 10, 2010


keep wondering using the word " how if, ..... if only....." silly me, keep wondering although that those things wont be real. i just feel down, feel so disappointed. it's like i disappoint my family, especially daddy and mommy. although they say it's fine, but still, there's a tiny part of me that regret it. i regretted of what i have done. :(. im too silly to be true. :( i cant express my feelings. it's too hard for me :(. the only thing i said is yes i am too stupid, silly or anything. i am not able to get it. :(

oh yes, exams are coming soon and i haven't prepared anything.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Patrick's thoughts.

this life is unexpected. you will always hear some people comment about your bad sides, and when you receive the harsh critics, what can you do? you cant just let it goes, cause they directly point that to you, without knowing how much pain you have enduring. they judge, and you aren't always right. you got wrong too sometimes, but will you expect to hear it from them? although we all know that cry wont solve, but crying is just the only way to express our feelings. cry holds a thousand unspoken words.

you will always make mistakes, cause mistakes will lead you to the right path. after you make mistakes over again, you will reveal all the truth. and when you think you find the right ones, they always wrong. you need time to start over again, and it takes time to reveal everything. and you cant do nothing when you are facing to the fact. the fact always hurts, no matter what happen.

i know, and i will endeavor. thank you for the supports. life is never fair. you need to walk along it, and you will see a lot of stones waiting for you. but, dont give up. you will never know what's behind the hard stones. there might be something special waiting for you.

easy to write but hard to do. yeah life is complicated.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

spongebob and patrick

hello. okay, I'm just telling you some things about my life so that my blog isn't that dead :D. okay, i can say that my life is quite hectic, i guess. we g
ot tons of homework need to be done at a time, and all the assignments are given in one time!. yes, i am so freaking exhausted. and well, exams are coming soon. we need to be prepared right? and i guess i am still far from the word 'prepared'.
so life is hectic, and you need to fight for your goal. okay, i will always keep it to my mind. and anyway, i think somehow my life changed little by little, with different people stepping in, but only the bests ones remain. :)

and well, my parents keep reminding me about what major I'm taking. and well, I'm still confused. what should i want to be? the question is spinning in my head, and i feel like the answer is somewhere at the ocean. okay i am exaggerating. but really, i have no idea. mom said i should have decided it by now. an omg, i really have too much things to be thought. -.-

ah ya, somehow i miss my sister, a.k.a jesslyn chance who is currently studying abroad. i definitely miss her so much. i have never expected that when she went to there, i will feel so lonely. i miss her so badly although we skype almost every weekends with two hours per day. i still miss her!!!!

uhm no, the photo that you saw is me, not my sis. ;) my hair grows longer, but it is not enough. D: D:

the truth always hurts, and why we always want to know the truth? it hurts, and what can i do? and i don't have the power to change it, or set them right. can i just let it flows by itself? and witnessing that i have lost someone? ..........

Sunday, September 12, 2010


yes, im enjoying my holidays. :D, well, holidays have started on last Thursday, and we will have a 10 days holidays. feeling good, heh? :D, yes, but i feel like i am a lazy-worm at my house. it's more like i have nothing to do. er... i lie, i got so many things to do, but it's like i dont have the feeling to do. lol. and i definitely enjoy my routine in holidays: wake up at 12, have my lunch, online, watch movies, take dinner, go out, read novels, then sleep. :p

and im not going anywhere, im staying in town, while my mom and pop are going to visit my sis. but eh, this is still secret, my sis hasn't known about this. ;). staying in this town, well i have to admit that im bored. superb bored. without mom and pop here, i feel empty - well actually not so dramatic- but well, holiday at home isn't going to be as fun as going abroad right? and, before holidays, there came some unexpected things. im not going to tell you what. cause, i dont wanna go into it, just let it happens by its own way. i dont have much strength. sorry.

fyi, i have decided to attend acceleration class, which means i will graduate in two years. so fast, right? time ticks so fast, and i have to get everything done in two years. everything that is needed to go to my university. think about what major im going to take. yeah, i need to make everything becomes brief. wish me luck, bless me. <3.

Friday, September 10, 2010


Love is fragile -The last Song.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Another Shot.

i never expect that farewell comes so quick. i know we still can meet each other. i know we are still in the same school. but still, our memories, our moments. we always talked about everything, teased each other until the victim shouted, and we laughed like crazy. there was not a day that we didnt laugh. although we come from different classes, we adapt well, our solidarity is great. when it comes to someone birthday, we will try our best, make different and unique surprise. and we have done it for several years. new comers came, and they are best friends. we learned, and we did the stupidity. we laughed, shared the happiness, but sometimes, we got punished, HAHAHA . but those moments are still a part of us. these are us. these are the way we are. we are a team, you cant count us individually.i love you guys so much, i have never expected that today is the last day. ...
memories last, right? i hope today is not the end... yet.

i love you guys, equinox members. <3.
i love my class, π r 2 t. it is the best class that i have ever attended, with a super classmates. <3.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Coincidence or fate?

i see my name at the list. The list of names. some i know , and some i dont. i have ever expected this, but i really dont care at first. and when it comes, i realized. i need to take a decision. a decision. take all the risks. having those as my routine. will endure so much, doing so hard.

Is this really what i want?

having those messy life, those stressful life, well i still dont know how hard life will be there, but it's like i cant take the decision by my own. okay i know, since young, i am not be able to take a decision for something important like this. and im in a huge dilemma. which part should i hear? and should it be me who decide it all? what if it's wrong? it's the path that i walk by myself, alone, no one is going to help. and so a CRAP, i dont have an idea to what i am facing right now.

i dont know, expect the unexpected heh?

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


so here i am, sitting in front of my computer, typing everything. yes, i skipped school this morning, i was sick. such a strange thing for me, yes, remembered that i was still okay last night, but well everything is unexpected.

so today is the beginning of September , which means my class is going to be separated......
and i have got my result for the first monthly test..... nothing goes smoothly, but all my hard works are payed off. certainly i was shocked when i first received my result, realizing that there is a gap, huge gap between junior high school and senior high school. :(. im trying to do the best, and well i will just receive what it will be, and still try do my best. :)

since my sis is not here to accompany me anymore, i guess i have to learn to be independent. because i used to tell her everything, i really mean everything, every problems , and when somebody says.........

and now, it is nearly to November, okay i know it's just September, but really time ticks so fast, you will never realize it , heh? it's like i just started my first year of being a senior high school student, and when it comes to November, that incident is almost one year, for me, it just happened for last month...

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Another chapter.

aSo, test has ended so far. and honestly, i dont think i was doing good in the tests. im dead, or im doomed. :/. i will just wait for the result, may god bless my result, im begging. :).

anyway, my sis went to Singapore last week, leaving Medan, to pursue her study. She departed on Wednesday, 18 august. We delivered her to airport. At first, i hope we wont cry, but yes, grandma cried first, and then we all cried. I cried like stupid, thinking that like i lost my sis. a shoulder to cry on. May god always bless her, and i do wish a super success for her. :)

and now im bored to the max. so last last saturday, it was my friend birthday party. He's 15. and He will be going to Singapore, so maybe this is like His farewell party. :)

me, birthday boy, and grisella. :)

so it was me, and the girl who loves JB. :p

and i dont know why, i love this picture at airport. :)

errr, bad news, i thought daddy will bring an iphone or itouch for me from singapore, but well, it seems like i have to wait until september . :/

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I miss you, my man.


school life is just so terrifying. so horrible. we will have our very first monthly test on 13th of august, which means we only got about 2 weeks to learn all the materials. and for sure, in order to stay still in our class, we need to get a good score. -.-, okay school life doesnt turn out to what i have expected. I am so exhausted, wake up at 6 and go home at 6. life isnt that easy. :s and lately, i think im a bit stressed of all the pressure. I feel so down. okay, people around me have cheered me but really, words can make you better, but they cant decompress the feelings that i felt.

Monday, July 26, 2010

from a to z.

i dont know what i am feeling right now. the things that make me realize while seeing and reading those posts,are my tear drops.


Sunday, July 18, 2010

Lady J.

hello. school started, and well, i am pretty tired these days. first of all, saturday is no longer a weekend or a day that i am usually waiting for. yes, we need to go to the school on saturday. it's a compulsory for our sake. :s. im officially senior high school student, i think nothing changes, the only thing that changes is my uniform. :D. i plan to upload some photos of my small fifteen birthday party today, but i guess i can't make it. :(. it is still on my dad's camera.

anyway, have i told you that i want a lomo? yeah, i told dad about it. i want a lomo diana F+. and as i have expected, dad was surprised. it was like dad thought that i was joking. okay since i dont know anything about photography. -.-.

yeah, dad has given me the best present for my fifteen. ops, not dad, but everyone. :)
love you guys so badly. :D

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

i know my heart well.

you change, and i run. i expect too much, and i know that you arent thinking the same point with me. i feel disappointed, and i fall.
i feel like i am the stupidest person in this world. hope for nothing.
you used to say 'something' to me every day, you used to be so care for me, and now you dont. There are so many memories that you used to be, and that hurts.
you are my nobody, and that's the fact.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Our fate.

I will promise you I will live while my eyes only seeing you
I will promise you I will live while my arms embracing you

From I awake in the morning until I fall asleep I’ll only think of you
Love Don’t forget this word I Love you Forever

On the hot summer day I’ll provide shade for you
On rainy day I’ll be your umbrella

While you exhausted from walking, I’ll be your little chair
While laughing, I’ll let you have a double happiness. We’re laughing together

While crying, I’ll be a towel absorbing your tears
I will promise you I will live while my eyes only seeing you

I will promise you I will live while my arms embracing you
From I awake in the morning until I fall asleep I’ll only think of you

Love Don’t forget this word I Love you Forever
We’re like Coffee & Doughnut

Hello dear, can you promise these all ? ;)

Thursday, July 1, 2010


say farewell to June 2010. :(. i had the best june. This year's june is one of the best junes i have ever had.

it started with such a good, with an unforgettable closing. i love you june. <3. i love the surprises. :)

Saturday, June 26, 2010

i can't figure things out

hello,people. uhm, actually i want to share something private to you, but, there is a big BUT, i think he/she has already known this blog , which means he/she will open up my blog and know what i am exactly writing about. :/. so, i will just make it blur. sorry if you dont understand, i know my previous posts are all blur, and weird.

let's name he/she 'G'.

okay, g called me few days ago. g wasnt a liar, finally i know that is the truth. g really did what g has said to me. well, g was late to tell me, but still g did it finally. my expectations for g are wrong. g prove it by his/her own. i am kinda surprised, but yeah, my sister was wrong. she said that g wont did what g has promised. but g did. and i am happy for that day. ;b. i am touched. i dont lie. :)
thank you g. you made everything looks clear now!

talking about my life, i got nothing to say, well, some of my friends and seniors have graduated , and maybe they are going to continue to KL, singapore, and so on. i read their blog and most of them are like farewell, well, they are about to go there. and i would like to say good luck for them! :)

i still have my last three years at here, and after then, i still dont know what path is better for me. i just can't figure what i want to be, i mean like, i have really chosen the profession so that i wont regret. i haven't known what i really want actually. mom said i should know it quickly. :s.
oh my, im going insane!

Friday, June 18, 2010

someday, can i say im yours?

this afternoon, i met some of my classmates and we watched The A-team! the movie was cool and awesome i guess. It was an action movie, with some funny dialogue. hanging out with friends has always ended in good. :). sharing with friends is such a love. :D

holiday is going to end soon. maybe like 2 weeks. :(. i dont wanna go to school yet. because these two months holidays, for me, are the busy months for me. i have so many activities and tasks that need to be done in this two months holidays. i will be an officially a senior high school student this July, and my parents have said that i must do well in my three senior year in order to get a good university. im shouldering myself yeah. i have a target to be aimed, according to what my parents said.

somehow i think i am too sensitive yeah. i want that thing, and my parents said they dont want to fulfill my wish. At first, they have already said like " yes, you can own that thing" but later they changed their mind. im so pissed off, if i can say. i want that thing , okay i know maybe that thing wont have any good for me. i know they do for my best, but still im not okay. maybe in few days after i think, i will be better. i hope, i know my parents do for my best.

oh ya, quote of the day:

i cant sleep without your lullaby, love.-unknown.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

June 15th.

June 15th. a memorable day. a day to remember. wont tell you why, cause that day was a little secret of mine.

Monday, June 14, 2010

should i say goodbye then?

i should tell you something. sooner or later, but the problem is i dont have that so much brave to tell you. it's my mistake or yours ? :(.

good news, my sister has got her letter of acceptance in one university in sg. she will depart on August maybe, i guess i will miss her a LOT. she's the one who i can tell every single thing. :(. you know, sometimes not everything you can tell your mom. :). sis is a good adviser , the one who accompanies me at night after we watched some thriller movie. :( im gonna post a post which is about my older sis, jesslyn chance.

i will miss her, a LOT. :(

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Officially fifteen.

"Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
When you're fifteen and your first kiss
Makes your head spin 'round"

taylor swift-fifteen. :D

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

dont make me confused.

maybe i was wrong. you are just the same with them. i got you wrong. i value you wrong. i thought i should change my view for you? you are just... too stupid. :(. or it's me ? that thought too over. i felt so stupid. that i have expected too much from you. and at last, i got nothing from you.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

i don't expect much from you

i got nothing to say actually.

today is sunday and i got nothing to do. :/. i have some ache in both of my legs. i started to gym two days ago, and the result is i get so many aches in my body. okay, honestly i have never done the gym-thing before. :D.

yesterday i went to my grandma's house, i left my glee at there. such an OMG :(.

okay, that's what i can say. lols. i guess i will post a lot in this june. :D in love with june. *.*

p.s. you fulfill my day. :) actually i dont expect much, but you make me to expect much. -.-

Friday, June 4, 2010

rain falls, tear drops.

hello. im sharing a song? quite a weird ya. i haven't posted a song until today. but yeah. i love this song. i know it's a old song, but well, still everlasting. this is such a sweet. enjoy it people. <3. Gotta find you- Shane grey (joe jonas)

Gotta Find You – Camp Rock Music Code

Every time I think I'm closer to the heart
Of what it means to know just who I am
I think I've finally found a better place to start
But no one ever seems to understand
I need to try to get to where you are
Could it be, your not that far
You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you
You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you
Oh yeah
Yeah yeah
You're the remedy I'm searching hard to find
To fix the puzzle that I see inside
Painting all my dreams the color of your smile
When I find you it will be alright
I need to try to get to where you are
Could it be, your not that far
You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you
You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you
Been feeling lost, can't find the words to say
Spending all my time stuck in yesterday
Where you are is where I want to be
Oh next to you... and you next to me
Oh I need to find you... yeah
You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you (yeah)
You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you
You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you (I need to find you)
I gotta find you (I gotta find you)
You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you
Yeah Yeah!
I gotta find you

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

hello, june. :D

people, sorry for not blogging. i have been so busy, but busy for nothing. -.- busy for watching movies, reading novels, and yet hang out and hang out. :b.

so, im going to tell you about my saturday one at. 22th of May, and the 29th of May.
such a wonderful saturday. :D


it's early in the morning. i went to school, got my report. i never thought i will get such a good score for my last junior year. such a great appreciation to myself. and thankyou guys. thankyou for all the greetings and you made my day. :D. everybody successfully completely made my day, including: him and her. :b. thankyou for the phone calls. :D, love you guys. :D


it's saturday and i was looking forward to it. it was the last meeting between me and her. and well, she apologized, she started our talk. she explained everything. everything that was blur to me before, and well, i apologized too. I found the answer. The answer that has made me so down in last five months. It is cleared now. We talked for the misunderstandings, for the reasons, clear that off. maybe it was a mistake, not only her mistake but me too. so yeah, let it be cleared and say bon voyage. Misunderstandings? maybe. don't talk this more, let us close it, and write a The End.maybe this is the best for us. In the future , when we met, we would like to say hello and smile to each other. Goodluck!

p.s. you made my day oh dear you. :b,
it is broken already, there is no way to fix it. :)

Sunday, May 16, 2010


yesterday, i wonder what will happen if i get it.

it is my way. my target for the last three years. if i didn't pursue it, when i lost it in just a second, i wont be so disappointed. i have felt the feeling of being failed before. therefore, i thought i have understood all the conditions, all the terms, all the qualifications. I do prepare myself to face it, searching the news everything related it with internet. asking some professionals. sometimes , i even dreamed that what if i win it, what will i do about it. dreaming about some good endings.
and when the day came, i did my best. putting all my efforts on it. answering in a good way, smile as friendly as i can. hoping that i will win. dreaming how glad my parents will be. keep absorbing those information and facts and it has, to do well.

but yes, i lost it, and no matter how hard i have tried, i lost it and it wont change.

p.s. i know you have won, but that doesn't mean you are the best. congratulations.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Vacation. :D

yeah. on last friday night, i arrived Medan safely after a week at Singapore. well, i must admit that i have a mountain of fun at there. Singapore has developed during these years, and yes i get amazed. It's a small country yet it can improve so far. honestly, i feel ashamed towards my own country. Compared to them, there are more people in my country, human sources actually aren't a problem but yeah. We are nothing to them. ;(. sorry to say this , but this is the fact that we are now facing.

P h o t o s a r e c o m i n g S o o n! :D

Monday, May 10, 2010

sour strawberry

im crying and dying inside. i am making a faking smile outside. can you see through?
i don't want to cry but yet these tears don't have a willing to stop. where are you then?
still standing still at there? - quoted. ;b

Sunday, May 2, 2010

sunday eve.

will go to singapore by tomorrow. some reasons make me feeling so down. sooner or later, you will go. Let's see in five years later. what will you be, what will i be, what will we become. :). friendship begins everything. stay still in your passion and reach it. i wont lose from you though. :).

and really, i think my passion in majoring piano is up. really, after like you know, changing a new teacher, a new miss, a new professor, a new atmosphere, i play some songs without any pressure. express what i feel, and heard some nice tune is playing. it's more like a song itself has its own message, it's like the song itself has a life. you just need to make it live, to deliver their message to the audience. awesome! cant you imagine a feeling like that? so peaceful and you will be so satisfied that your hard work will be paid off. pianist or pharmacist?

yap, since my sis has graduated from her high school year, my mom and pop have been asking me what i want to be. thinking for a long time, and i decided to become a pharmacist. some people may say why dont i be a doctor? nurse? why i have to be a pharmacist? well, firstly i hate to see blood, i hate to see organs. i will say a big no if dealing with some patients with their body full of blood. a fountain of blood. a big no. i have phobia with that. :). so yeah pharmacist, i love medical studies. :). papa and mama are supporting and well, the formula is 99% hard work + 1% miracle. :D.
sis will study accounting, and i think that papa is encouraging me to get some business studies, well if i failed to go to a medical school i will take a business. but really i will enter a senior year starts from july. and will do a hard work in order to become a pharmacist. hard work is needed. ;b

how about piano then? well i decided i wont stop in learning piano. but i will play it for my own pleasure and sure for some people who wish to hear. i love piano. it's my passion. it's my way to express all my feelings and emotions. wont release it. will hold tight on both of my passion. :D.

brats, you have taken everything from me, can i give you a slap first?

p.s. i will appreciate our talk, our memories, and every single thing that we have made. thank you for everything. :)

Saturday, May 1, 2010

A new month. ;b

i am the shortest? lol.

Hello. people! just got back from my farewell trip to Brastagi with my friends. so nice and well, kinda of sad too. the very last trip with friends. we have been in the same class about three years, and starts from this july, maybe we won't be at the same class. anyway, the trip was fun. so fun, we didn't get enough sleep, we ate something wrong that caused us to go back toilet for few times. lol. but this is us. our beloved class IX-2. wont forget all the memories that we have made. memories last, don't it? love you, Ix-2. :D. this trip was awesome!

grisella, me, herdiyenti at kartini's birthday party. :D

p.s. you make me perfectly. ;b

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Plain to Pale.

i need a place. to refresh my mind. i wish i never meet you, never know you, never be a friend with you. that was my biggest mistake in my fourteen-year-old times.
so sick if i want to talk about you. such a stubborn people who don't want to admit your own mistakes instead of just pushing them to me. such a tricky.

i want quickly go there. maybe i just can meet new people at there. i hate the moment when you are there, and you want to destroy it badly. can't you feel the disgracing feeling in your head?

p.s. i miss you, you are not here. :( am i wrong in valuing you?

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Chocolates And Candies.

p.s. you are my reason i breath. :)

hello! im still looking for headers.. :). yes, i wanna your header got changed. i get bored to this one, so simple and not attractive. i have download some cute fonts and
but i can't found the headers. i have looked some at shabbyblogs. but i didn't find the one i like. :(. hmm, choices are difficult, aren't they? anw, i found these on my pc. oldies things, about the twilight times. :)

i get fooled by the magazine, they said that there will be an announcement after the new moon's premiere. by Rpatz and Kstew, like declaring their relationship but till know, i heard nothing. :(. yeah i am a big big fan of twilight saga. :) . i love to see edward's smile, so glamorizing.